Tony Robbins: A POWERFUL MESSAGE ON MASTERING FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS (Worth sharing) | Key Takeaways
nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning that i give it you’re the one that puts the label on what things mean so what we’re really going to do is we’re going to start our whole basis of studying of communication to remember one thing and write this in your notes if you would and that is the quality of your life is directly related to the quality of your communication the quality of your life is the quality of your communication period now pretty basic idea nothing earth-shattering but i’m here to tell you that’s the entire your entire life comes down to this the quality of your entire life comes down to the quality of how you communicate with whom no no with whom first do you think it determines how you that’s right the quality of your life starts with the quality of how you communicate to yourself that’s where it all starts how you feel is not based on the environment is it based like how you feel is that determined based on like whether or not you have lots of money yes or no okay some of you have a little mixed feelings about this don’t you let me ask you a question how many of you know somebody who has tons of money and is still not happy ah interesting how many of you know somebody who doesn’t have any money at all but seems to be very happy so does money determine your happiness yes or no how many know if you had lots of money though you’d be happy you’re different okay now see that that’s not going to do it is it it’s not the money it’s how you communicate yourself about money by the way can be loving advice but communicate to themselves that they’re still in scarcity yes or no absolutely so money isn’t good is how you feel determined by uh whether or not the weather is good yes oh really are there people in freezing weather who are very happy yes or no are there people in hot weather that are very happy yes or no yes see the weather doesn’t determine it is it whether you’re happy not determined by whether or not other people say they love you you go yes but you but it shouldn’t so you sit there and shoot all over yourself huh okay you’re right it probably shouldn’t but a lot of us connect that real directly but i got a question for you somebody comes up to you and they tell you i love you or they come up and they hug you or they look at you that certain special way or they kiss you passionately you know these feelings begin to come to attention gentlemen when all that stuff happens my question for you is what made all that happen was it really the kiss that did it yesterday no i link’s up if that’s true kissing your dog will get you excited it wasn’t a kiss it was the meaning you associated to that particular moment when tissue touch tissue in that unique way that’s really it isn’t it it isn’t actually the event itself is it it’s rather what we communicated to ourselves about that event somebody hugs you and you feel good do they make you feel good yes or no no what makes you feel good is you’ve got a set of rules inside your head and say if somebody touches me quite like this they look like that sounds smell feel like this then i get to say whoo and so you say okay it’s time to feel good and your brain goes and you start feeling good right so the bottom line is we determine how we feel by the way we communicate to ourselves by the meaning that we communicate about a situation see it’s not the event that determines how we feel it’s the meaning that we associate to the event determines how we feel and that meaning is something we create and we communicate to ourselves if you’re upset about anything all upsets come down to the meaning you associate to something you’re upset about something it’s because you’re thinking well that’s because this means they don’t care about me or this means i’m no longer in control or this means i’m not respected or this means all upset is based on a meaning and how many times have you been wrong when you linked up the meaning anybody been wrong yes or no yes this means yes i’ll guide you through this okay we’ve all been wrong so what we’ve got to really be able to do is to realize one thing and write at your notes nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning that i give it nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning that i give it you’re the one that puts the label on what things mean and the last time you’re with me i gave you a phrase when we talked about transformational vocabulary if you recall transformational vocabulary is the idea that we get all these pictures and sounds and feelings and sensations start to come in our body but we don’t know what it means so we put a label on it so you get all these things they feel uncomfortable they feel kind of painful and you call that humiliation will that intensify the feeling more than if you say you know i’m a little frustrated yes or no you better believe it the label we put on our experience becomes our experience and we are the person doing the labeling now granted i’ll agree that most of us are an automatic pilot we’re using a labeling and a communication process that we don’t even think about consciously and we can easily point to other people and show how they created that feeling for us and certainly they helped us to get into state they helped us by giving us some feedback but we still determine the feeling i give an example i was in hawaii recently i couldn’t believe it i read this article and i saw the thing on tv where they interviewed this guy he was out swimming and the shark came and bit his leg off yeah you’d think you’d be fairly upset why would you be upset if you lost your leg after the initial pain why would you stay upset because of the meaning you’d link to that right what would be the meaning that would make you feel upset all the time that’s right the meaning of loss that you had lost something see almost all pain all pain you’re ever going to feel in your life the pain that people have that makes them upset it all starts with there’s i call it emotional anatomy it all starts in one place pain starts with number one i’ll put it down at the bottom here a feeling of loss a feeling of loss now can you ever really lose anything only if you perceive that there’s a loss is that true are you following me on this now for a second you can only feel lost if you perceive it in other words you have to tell yourself there’s a loss you have to communicate that you lost something this man was not upset in fact he was concerned about the shark yeah you see this guy’s on drugs no he was sincere because his belief was that number one he was responsible not the shark because he was a swimmer and he knew that in the area he was with sharks and if he keeps thrashing around on the top they think if the turtle will come after him so the meaning for him was this was a learning experience that’s what it meant to him for other people it mean i’m named for life i’ll be a gimp for the rest of my life if he would have linked those meetings do you think he would have been in the same state yes or no no way when you have an upset of any sort you’re feeling some negative emotion it always comes down to really you have a feeling of what loss but do you ever really lose no you never lose anything it just changes form hey nothing in the entire universe ever disappears nothing not your physical body not rocks not stones nothing everything in the universe transforms so you can’t lose but if you want to feel bad what you have to do is have the illusion of loss create the illusion of loss that’s all you have to do to feel bad so i’ll guide you how to feel bad step one feel bad create the illusion of loss how would you make sure you take notes the next time i feel bad you know what to do okay now after the illusion of loss what that usually does is that creates the second major emotion in the anatomy of human emotion and that is feeling of hurt feel hurt and usually what happens is people don’t notice the lost thing they notice they feel hurt if they’re sensitive because this stuff happens pretty fast doesn’t it and we’ve forgotten it’s lost all we know is we feel hurt anytime somebody feels hurt what it really is they have a sense of loss about something they think they’re missing out i think something has changed they think they’re losing something and they feel bad they feel hurt yes or no most people by the way don’t stay in hurt they manage immediately amp up into anger is that true that’s right and that’s the third emotion so if you’re angry what you really are is what hurt which means you really just have a sense of what see our state affects a lot of the meaning we link to things we’re stressed or we can make out the worst situation out of virtually anything can we so you gotta remember you’re the producer of this play you’re the one writing the script to this movie now some of you though have like one style of writing called drama maybe you ought to try writing a comedy instead it might be more enjoyable some of you written a love story my congratulations to you some of you are an adventure story some of you got one garbled story that doesn’t seem to make any sense maybe it’s time you cleaned up the script which doesn’t mean go back and rewrite it all it means tear up the old one do you have to go back and rewrite the whole script in order to make it work yes or no now what you can do is set aside move on from here what a concept decide what do i want now what happened to my past doesn’t mean didn’t we if you’re trying to drive in the future using the rear view mirror as your guidance tool you’re going to crash but you know what your future is going to look like your past pretty scary maybe i’ll just let go of the past tear up that script you don’t have to keep playing that same play write a new one now don’t tell put it in the circular file and write a new one see the whole key is the quality of life is the quality of communication number one with yourself because nothing has any meaning except the meaning you give it the meaning you give it’s going to determine how you feel how you feel is going to determine what you do what you do is going to shape your destiny see if i interpret this means this person doesn’t love me now all of a sudden i’m going to feel lousy about it and i’m going to do things either verbally or non-verbally to get back maybe or at the very worst i’ll withhold my emotions because i don’t want to be hurt again and is that withholding make my relationship better yes or no no and all of a sudden we start to drift apart now i start doing doing things that will change my destiny and separate me from somebody i really love and somebody really loves me all because i made up a bunch of crap on my head nothing has any meaning except the meaning you give bottom line it’s not the event it’s what you do with it in terms of the quality of your life what we do with it is what we do with it inside of our head it’s not the event it’s what we do with the event in terms of the quality of our life you
