Stop Blaming People! Start Taking Responsibility For Your LIFE – Gary Vaynerchuk | Motivational Talk
I know what my intent is and I’m very
grounded in it and I deploy enormous
amounts of empathy to my haters when
somebody leaves a comment on my Facebook
or anywhere else that I’m a charlatan or
a snake oil salesman or my daddy gave me
the money to build the liquor store and
I shouldn’t be listened to I understand
why they say that I know it’s not true
and and you know it feeds me in a very
good way and so for me to be very honest
with you brother it’s been very easy
because when your intent is pure and
comes from good but I think about
succeeding in one very simple story
there are two ways my friends to build
the biggest building in town step number
one just build the biggest building in
town step number two build a
decent-sized building and then spend all
your time trying to tear down everybody
else’s building around you down so you
end up being the biggest building in
town my friend 95% of people try to do
number two but when you know you can
build the biggest building in
town you do that and so because I know
what my intent is I just don’t value
anybody’s opinion about me including my
parents and wife and children more than
I value my opinion about myself before I
was garyvee this is what I was doing for
my high school friends who were doing
stupid things like drugs and alcohol or
driving drunk because they wanted to act
cool in front of somebody this is just
about self-esteem it’s so simple it’s
almost overly emotional for me this is
about self esteem the way I choose to do
it and you know this is how I do it as I
go directly at it if you you can every
one of us can think of somebody we care
about right now that’s just not doing it
right
and all you have to do is sit them down
and tell them they’re not doing it right
but we don’t want to do that because
we’d rather not short-term hurt their
feelings
and let them fail long-term which is
remarkably crazy if you give a
about somebody so what can you do is not
garyvee have the actual conversation and
tell your sister your mom your uncle
your aunt your child your best friend
the next time they come up with an
excuse that it’s a excuse the
reason I say the thing that if there’s
anybody that ever looked like you that
made it then there’s no excuse is cuz I
believe it you know it’s really hard
here in our argument and that your
friend tells you that’s great Gary but
both my parents were alcoholics and that
really me up right now you’re on
the defense that’s a good first punch by
them am i cool we don’t need to use me
if anybody has ever been successful that
had two alcoholic parents which by the
way I know of three well then now what’s
your Excuse Karen we are just so
interested in blaming everybody else and
excuses because we don’t want to take on
responsibility and somewhere a long time
ago I went completely I only take I you
know I think everything is my fault
like all of it like I think it’s weirdly
cloudy outside right now and not nice
out my fault
like his scar my fault like I
just default into my fault
and everybody tries to do everything
else the other way and let me tell you
how good life becomes when you take on
responsibility it gets real good uh some
of you and there’s a lot of you follow
me you know why I keep bringing up the
last scene of eight mile the Eminem
movie how many people have seen that
movie great the last scene they go into
the battle he makes fun of himself the
whole time because it leaves the other
person with nothing the leverage is in
being accountable of everything the
leverage is exposing your weaknesses I
proudly talk about passing on uber twice
being a PMF student you know I proudly
talk about my shortcomings right
I can’t wait for more bad things to
happen I mean it because I will talk
about them because what your
perfect you right so how do
you do it you have the conversation and
you realize that you’re doing a
disservice to the people you love the
most by holding your mouth shut because
you’re not willing to deal with the
short-term conflict you can’t fake
environment the amount of rich friends I
have who send their kid for four days to
Africa to build a school and think now
they’re grounded is ludicrous
you can’t fake environment if you are
privileged you are privileged if you are
not you are not the great gift and curse
for all of us is we had too much where
we had too little then your DNA and
parenting an environment takeover on
which path you decide what I’m doing is
there’s a couple things that are my
religious Ten Commandments and I’m
sticking to those and everything else
I’m unemotional about so number one
kindness kindness is non-debatable
if Xander and Misha ever deployed mean
miss on somebody else especially based
on how much money Mommy and Daddy made I
will physically punch them in the face
that’s number one kindness is not
debatable number two they have to really
love what they’re into I have no
interest in my kids being an
entrepreneur I have no interest in my
kids being a showman I want them to be
what the thing they love the most is
number three there’s no such thing at
the sport place trophies all these
privileged kids are being protected from
hurt feelings by parents today which is
why they’re gonna suck because in real
life you come in fourth place and eighth
place so in my Upper East Side of
Manhattan culture there’s a lot of 8th
place trophies and everybody’s
great at everything
I tell little kids that are six you suck
their parents get mad at me but I’m like
Ricky sucks at golf
so no make-believe and then number four
almost everything else does not matter
number five
update the list as soon as I feel like I
have to in real time as soon as I see
something that makes me have to update
the list but if you have empathy you
have everything it’s just so big it’s so
big it makes you incredible at sales I’m
a great all-time salesman because I’m
empathetic I basically can’t even live
my life without I watch my mother and I
she has it too but we have different
obviously were different she’s the
center piece of every single person that
knows her her empathy for everybody
becomes the leverage of everybody
needing her and she took it away and I
got the benefit of watching it that I
think allowed me to find a little bit of
a better lines in the sand where to stop
and start and I’m different
in a lot of ways business si and
competitive we’re different but when you
have empathy you of everything and I
just you know there’s a lot of things I
care about right gratitude it surely
makes you positive if you have
perspective on that but if I had to pick
one and the way you’re asking it’s
empathy man if you just like all of you
care about you not your customers not
your employees not your vendors and I
get it you have to take care of your
family I get it but it’s the way if you
care about them more and figure out
what’s left for you and what to do with
it you will have for the rest of your
life and I’m sure it’s very biblical and
very faith driven and very altruistic it
doesn’t make it any less true empathy
kind of after five years I made it so to
say in in my own terms and now I find
myself not working anymore from 2:00 to
7:00 in the night and I’m a bit
concerned that is this it like how can i
push to go forward are you are you
worried that your content and you’re
trying to get the spark yes maybe you
need to do something else maybe your
content in what got you here is Wine
Library I built one of the largest
liquor wine stores in America and I did
it and I was like wait a minute the
liquor laws are bad this doesn’t feel
like it’s it I made it you know my I
started a YouTube show maybe you’ve made
it thank God in in what you I don’t know
what you do maybe you need to do
something completely different and have
the thrill that I always have which is
the climb is much more fun than the
stuff so it’s it’s that great guy in the
back the good-looking guy with the beard
I want him to love the process not the
idea of the Mexico Beach maybe you’re
like me and you love the process so much
that now that the process is not fun
even though the money’s there even the
opportunities there
you’re missing the spark the climb you
know why I love coming to Southeast Asia
or not I wish none of you knew who I was
that’s the climb people think it’s the
other way I don’t want anybody know who
I am that’s actually probably my biggest
fear is the game of like getting known
you know I plan on getting to all seven
point three billion of you and then when
that’s done it’s gonna be like do I
have to go to Mars or you know like you
know so I think that I have a feeling it
might just be that you’re looking for a
new process and a new start from the
bottom to build up how can I know what
to choose next just pick something it’s
a really interesting question I really
believe that like there’s I don’t know
you write but there’s things that are on
your mind I would start with interests
outside of
work like if I would start something
like if you’re into video games
I think eSports is about to be one of
the biggest industries in our society
over the next 30 years maybe you don’t
know anything about eSports but you like
video games here’s the chance to start I
was looking into that yeah so now from
7:00 p.m. to 2:00 in the morning for
next 4 months you learn everything about
eSports and then you decide what you
want to make I think you want the
process which is incredible because it’s
gonna lead to a lot of success which is
why you’ve probably figured out how to
win in five years because you love the
process so you were willing to eat
and work at night and be patient and
that’s why you got somewhere now you got
somewhere and you’re like wait a minute
you’re calibrating you’re young you
need to go out and do other new
processes if you’ve got complete
flexibility I would do it around other
things you like music sports beer like I
don’t know what your interests are
outside of it but you start there
because that’s a dub I mean Vayner
sports me and AJ are building this
sports agency it’s a real fun thing like
we’re gonna kill everybody it’s gonna be
a huge company and it’s fun to talk
about football like we know about trades
before they come out in public you know
we like it so I think if you can do it
surround something you like I would go
and look and discover the business
behind things that you’re interested in
[Applause]
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