Motivasi Hidup Sukses dengan Mengalahkan Ketakutanmu, Sekarang Juga! Tony Robbins Subtitle Indonesia
[Applause] welcome back once again it’s tony robbins we’re on week four of your breakthrough again i’m assuming that you’ve gone and seen the fourth episode our fourth special the one with mandy and scott and our surprise guest rita which by the way that was not fake rita just showed up in fiji without being invited we’re all dear friends now and it’s been a great set of breakthroughs but uh it began to give me an understanding that when i thought this family had one problem there were multiple challenges that had to be dealt with which is true in most situations this week we want to face look if you’re emotionally strong if you understand you really don’t have those problems if you have gotten yourself in a place where you really have started to take back control and stress isn’t really taking you over anymore you’re asking better questions and you’re getting better answers if you’re in a place now where you face the real problems and you’ve begun to take it on and break through what’s the only thing that usually gets people back what’s the thing that pulls them back from the breakthrough that they’re moving forward towards it’s the only thing that really ever stops people really you and i both know the answer we all can give reasons why we’re not where we want to be we can give external descriptions we can talk about our past but the only reason someone doesn’t just take their life and do something to change it the only real reason fear f-e-a-r does it stand for we’ve all heard those acronyms false evidence that appears real we’re falsely responding to something and making it so real we’re scared i think f-e-a-r stands for f everything and run because when you’re really scared what do you do you want to run baby right it’s called fight or flight you either want to battle it out because you’ve got that adrenaline in because you’re scared some people when they’re scared they get angry or you want to bust out of here right so if you and i are going to have a better quality of life no matter what happens to us in our lives if we’re going to be more than the moment then some part of us has got to learn how to deal with fear in a different way and so in this episode with mandy and scott and rita we found that this couple is this beginning of the story we find that wow their entire life is being controlled by this fear that mandy’s living with and she seems to have a good reason for it and the reason is her daughter if you watch the episode gets in this go-kart before her mom can get in she slams on the accelerator she goes full speed in the back of a truck and even though she’s wearing a helmet the impact is so intense it cracks the helmet it knocks her out she’s not breathing and mandy is a medical assistant and she goes and she cannot revive her she dies on the spot or so it seems within a few moments they actually revive her she’s had that experience and some people talked about where they’ve been out with no breath no pulse nothing and she comes back the medical people that get there able to turn her around but it’s after a long period of time and the only permanent damage is to her daughter’s hearing otherwise she recovers completely rather though than being excited oh my god we survived this my daughter’s okay manny becomes traumatized she has post-traumatic syndrome she has panic attacks and what’s a panic attack it’s now anything that leads to something that reminds me of what happened in the past where i felt like i was going to die where i felt like the worst thing possible could happen now i overreact i go into fight or flight even quicker and mandy is doing it and it seems to be destroying their relationship because fear destroys everything by the way fear will murder your love fear will murder adventure fear will murder your life i’m here to tell you right now every one of us has fear but if you want to live fear’s got to die and the way you do it is so damn simple but let’s just first for a moment be sure what we’re really afraid of see when i first saw this episode i felt deeply for this family and almost didn’t go to work with him because i said i want to work with somebody whose child actually did die and show people how to get through that because it’s such a horrific situation so many people have been through the real loss why deal with this woman when after all she has the good fortune of having her child and then i reconsidered because i thought how many of us are controlled by something that happened a long time ago and it’s over we’re here we’re okay and yet we let some memory from the past or some perception of the past control our present and control our future haven’t you done that somewhere think about it isn’t there something that once happened you got rejected you were trying to go for a job and you got through so many rejections or you gave your all and then somebody hurt you and so now you never open up again what is what is it that’s happened in your past that’s controlling your present and future it’s not the event that’s controlling you it’s the fear of going through those feelings again that feeling of feeling like a failure or being rejected or feeling alone some people stay in a relationship or they’re miserable have you ever done this before at least in your past you ever been in a relationship where you knew it wasn’t right it wasn’t right for you it wasn’t right for them but you stayed just because you were scared of being alone or scared of how to deal with the stress of confronting the situation most people have settled for a life that is so far less than what they deserve and what they desire and what they’re capable of primarily because of this thing called fear and we don’t usually call it that we call it stress because achievers you know the achievers we don’t get fearful right we just get stressed well why are you doing i have to do it why because i just have to well what if you don’t do it but i have to do but what if you don’t well then it’ll fall apart what if it falls apart well then it’ll fail what if it fails then i’ll be a failure see if you follow the follow kind of the trail of stress with any human being you’ll it’ll lead you to their fear whatever you’re stressed about at some level you believe that if this thing isn’t handled i’m going to meet my ultimate fear yes everybody has the fear of success or the fear of failure at times or the fear of rejection or the fear of the unknown or the fear of falling right or the fear of humiliation the fear of pain but all the different fears human beings have that affect them in my experience now working with four million people from 100 countries in the world from the most successful people to the most challenged everybody has two primary fears it’s like all roads lead to rome fear number one is we’re all afraid at some level that we’re not enough again not strong enough not smart enough not rich enough not pretty enough not athletic enough not playful enough not funny enough not authentic enough not strong enough i don’t know everybody’s got something haven’t you had a time in your life when you felt like oh my god i’m not enough for someone that matters or something that matters if you’re honest you know the answer is yes and even if you’re doing great right now this fear doesn’t go away it shows up again at some stage in your life there’ll be some stage when you won’t feel like you’re enough and it’s one of the sickest feelings human beings can feel inside it feels you feel like nothing like worthless and to feel like you’re not enough to feel worthless as bad as that is that leads to the second deeper fear which is we all fear that if i’m not enough i won’t be loved why well first of all love is oxygen to the human soul isn’t it i mean even people say they don’t want it we all want some form of that connection that depth we crave it when babies are born if they’re not physically loved if they’re not held touched you know if they don’t have that kinesthetic connection they can die in fact they develop something called failure to thrive syndrome any doctor can tell you what it is they can’t explain how it works they just know that if babies don’t get that physical touch and love they literally die that’s how important is to human beings and yet most of us are so scared of love because we’re afraid now we’re scared of love we’re afraid to be taken away we’re afraid to have our hopes brought up we’re afraid to be in a place where we could feel that sense of excitement aliveness and have it be dashed so lots of people out of their fear of the loss of that love trying to mitigate try to lower their expectations for their life for their business for their relationship but lowering your expectations doesn’t make you feel more alive it just tries to make you feel a little less pain a little more numb and that’s not an answer for a life that’s filled with breakthroughs and love and joy and passion all the things i know you’d want or you wouldn’t be here for the fourth week visiting with me again this guy talking to you through your computer for god’s sakes but it’s a nice way for you to have a stimulating trigger of each other because all i’m sharing with you is what i’ve learned from me and what i’ve learned with you know the millions of people i’ve had the privilege to touch and i’ve learned not because i’m so smart but because i made these stupid mistakes over and over again and i got tired of it and i’m sure you’ve done the same i’m sure you’ve done something so many times till one day you went no more that’s the breakthrough moment and that breakthrough moment is when you confront the fear where you do it in spite of the fear will you stop telling yourself a story about why you can’t do it you don’t have the time you don’t have the energy you don’t have the money you know easy for other people we’ve all got a story about why we’re not where we want to be because you have two choices either face your fear that says oh my god maybe i’m not strong enough smart enough you know committed enough determined enough to do this and i’m not enough and i won’t be loved or i got a story about how it’s not my fault how something in the environment happened about something in my past about you know i’m gonna do it in the future you have either results or you have a story because most of us we don’t want to face that fear but you know what’s amazing we have this fear we’re not enough but human beings when they put everything on the line they can usually pull off just about anything they’re committed to not everything you don’t always get what you want you don’t always achieve your goals or your dreams but sometimes you don’t get your goal of dream to get something better like you don’t get what you want but you in pursuing that goal or dream becomes something more than you ever dreamed of you develop that courage or that determination or that compassion or that playfulness or the faith that somehow in other parts of your life when it’s needed it’s there it’s like an emotional muscle when other people pull back and everybody’s like oh i don’t know what to do you just like move i’ll handle it because you faced so many things you’ve gotten in the face of fear so many times that it’s something you know and it’s something you know you can handle it doesn’t mean it doesn’t grab you doesn’t scare you doesn’t make you want to fight or flight you know run or fight it doesn’t mean it doesn’t show up but just you don’t let it run your life fear for most people is like going into court and only having a prosecution give their case they tell you all the reasons why it can’t happen and if you buy it if you don’t listen to someone who stands up and defends and says here’s why we should do this pretty soon your mind takes over and the deep part of our mind is so fearful because it’s trying to protect us it’s trying to make sure we can survive so it takes more than just the animal part of you to achieve the level that you want to achieve in your life of joy and fulfillment and accomplishment your contribution to your family your society if it’s going to be significant something meaningful then some part of you is going to have to face those fears again and again and when i say murder fear you know for you to live you’ve got to kill the fear the way you murder fear is only one way pure action massive action there’s no rocket science here you know it and i know it but we try to prepare ourselves don’t get me wrong if you’re going to take on something new you should figure out what you’re doing have the right plan right strategy but ultimately you just got to do stuff to figure it out the only way you’re going to get over the fear to get across that room to that man or woman just go do it so many times that fear becomes somebody you know and pretty soon it’s not fear you’re confident you know it’s not an unknown anymore how do we do this with this couple well i knew from the very beginning i know a series of techniques and teaching to anyone i’ve done them for years i’ve wiped out lifetime phobias literally in 15 minutes to an hour there’s a series of tools anyone can learn to do that i got famous early in my career by challenging traditional psychologists and psychiatrists and saying give me your toughest patient give me one hour or less and i’ll wipe out their challenge i don’t care if you’ve been dealing with them for years i don’t care if they have uncontrollable phobias my career started in vancouver british going to be a candidate and i got on a radio show and challenged traditional psychiatrists who said they couldn’t do this and i started with a woman with a snake phobia and literally at the end i wrapped this snake around this woman and a doctor was freaking out i did it in a public forum and that became my signature i would go out and challenge people today with my partner chloe madonnas we’ve trained over 100 000 therapists around the world so it’s not a new technique and i’m no longer you know some dumb kid just trying to challenge somebody i’m showing people what i’ve learned and what other people have learned about how to create change quickly so we can get over any fear if we learn how to change our conditioning if we learn how to get ourselves to do it and we learn how to kind of condition our mind but in this short little time rather than trying to teach you some technique i really just want to appeal to you this week to break through and the way that you break through is first realize that very often what you think you’re afraid of the fear of something may be a little deeper and should be dealt with clearly when mandy and scott when they first put this out i thought okay this woman has a phobia i know how to wipe that out that’s 10 minutes of a show maybe 15 i’m trying to sound uh you know crazy or be exaggerating but it’s true maybe it’ll take a half hour but no one’s gonna want to watch that you know what’s really going on here though with this couple i saw the the upsets the anger the frustration between the parents and i understood that obviously scott would feel if his wife doesn’t trust him to take his kids outside that would start to frustrate him but obviously behind this fear was something else that also had to be dealt with do you remember i said in a previous week i said look you can look at the surface problem and find something to blame this happened because their child smashed into the back and almost died the phobia or the i should say the panic attacks definitely would come from that but for her to stay locked in that state there must be something else going on i really believe that when it comes to real communication real communication comes from hearing what’s not being said it’s listening for the unspokens and especially between men and women because men and women it’s a gross generalization but a masculine brain tends to communicate in a different way and i don’t just mean men for mars women are for venus obviously some men are very feminine some women are very masculine but the energy that masculine energy tends to be more direct in its communication if i say to my buddies hey you want to get together on saturday you got time he says no i’m busy i just know he’s busy but if you say to a feminine woman hey she says can we get together on saturday and you say no i’m busy then she has to go decide what that means is he saying that he doesn’t find me attractive is he saying that he no longer loves me is he out messing around with 12 other women no he’s just busy on saturday i’ll just give you that communication the reason women look at it differently is women have an indirect style of communication like i didn’t realize in the early days of being with my wife that she we’d be driving and she’d say honey do you need to stop to use the restroom or if you need to stop to get us you know get a drink i’d say no honey i’m fine and then i get this tightness beside me as time went by and i didn’t know what was bothering her see in the feminine world you don’t just say what you want if you’re a feminine woman you communicate indirectly by saying did i want a drink or to stop at the restroom she was really saying why don’t you connect with me right now and see what i need what i want why am i just saying i don’t want it like answering like a normal man would be she was upset thinking i don’t care how she feels because i didn’t turn to her and say do you want to stop for you i thought if she wanted to stop she just say honey i need to stop that’s how men think and so scott scott’s hearing his wife talking about how you know he isn’t doing this he isn’t doing that he’s not listening for what he’s really saying to him which is please come show me that you’re present for me please come tell me what i’ve been through is tough please affirm me because women affirm each other he wasn’t hearing the real communication he just saw his wife’s fear he didn’t realize that what i’m really afraid of scott is that do you still love me will you be here for me even if i’m crazy do you love all of me and so in the beginning he thought she didn’t love him anymore and this relationship was ending which was killing him inside he felt he didn’t know what to do because he thought all this was about something outside his control and he felt his wife blamed him but she said he was responsible for this even though frankly as manny would tell you today her daughter was getting inside the go-kart beside her but under the fear under the stress under the fear that not only my daughter might die but maybe i contributed to it because i didn’t act quickly enough she blamed herself and she was done blaming herself she blamed scott scott took all this literally instead of hearing what mandy really is is scared she’s scared she’s not enough she wasn’t a good enough mother she sure is but she felt like she wasn’t that she’s not a good enough life and the more scott pulled away from her the more scared she got so if you really dig in with human beings the deep fear is that i’m not enough and i won’t be loved if you can heal that fear you can heal everything else phobias panic attacks and everything else and sometimes you have to deal with a specific situation also which i did do but i didn’t want to just look for the surface problem i want to look for the deeper problem the deeper problem in this relationship was the fear that these two people really weren’t enough for each other and then mom shows up and and when rita showed up she had her own fears her own fears that her daughter might leave her and so very often sometimes in relationships you end up with this triangle where two people when two people get closer together someone else gets further away and so what happens is when her daughter got closer to her now son-in-law she was further away if her daughter was closer to her then the son-in-law was further away if you get the sense of what i’m trying to show you with a triangle with my hand what happens is very often in life a mother or a father who is loved so deeply can interfere with a core relationship and it’s just their own fear their fear of losing their child so what this session was about really when i did the session was to get everyone to face their fear and to do it i had to find something that they feared more in rita’s case because she really does love her daughter the fear that her daughter would never be well the fear that her daughter could lose her children was enough for her to step up and say okay i’ll do anything i’ll even face my own fear but once you find something you fear more than what’s stopping you like maybe you’re afraid of rejection but you’re more afraid of living a life that disgusts you you know living a life where you have to settle maybe you’re afraid of being alone but maybe you’re more afraid of being with some human being that is totally abusive to you and so you finally make that click and change one way to get rid of fear is to find something you fear more that will motivate you to move but ultimately the fastest and easiest way to deal with fear is not rocket science once again it’s something you know it’s just do it and sometimes maybe a friend can help you to do that and sometimes it’s just hitting that breakthrough moment where you’re frustrated enough mad enough clear enough or just maybe it’s a moment you get inspired enough you say i’m doing this and you just you don’t think you just make yourself do the thing you’re afraid of because doing what you’re afraid of is the death of fear and you’ll see in the first time we get to fiji even though you didn’t see it on the tv show because there’s only 44 minutes this couple began to realize they really love each other they learned how to give each other their presence they learned how to communicate in a different way it’s certainly not done because you got to build that muscle and do it more than one time so i did some more things i made sure that this man had felt like he was impotent he couldn’t break through he felt so weak i had to make sure that you know when scott showed up that his wife would see him strong he’d see himself strong so i took him skydiving because i just knew it was the thing that would scare him the most he’s not into adventurous like that and yet he did and when his wife saw him and his kids saw him come out of that helicopter after he’d landed and you know landed in his parachute and so forth he looked like tom cruise walking down there with his kids there and his wife stared at him and feeling this excitement because she can see he’s strong again so you can change dynamics in a relationship by one person just doing what they’re afraid of and their confidence will get back and that confidence will change the relationship so that was the beginning and then how do we deal with mandy’s fears well very simple separated from her mom things she was afraid of we just did it got mom on board and we said you’re out of the picture took her and she was afraid to have her kids be out of the house and we took her kids and put her in this wilderness experience that was a survival experience we didn’t give her a choice one way to get through your fears don’t give yourself a choice put a wall here a wall here and a wall here and squeezing together and you’re going to move forward if you have no other choice you’re going to move forward and when we left them when i had the guide leave them with nothing but a map they had no choice but to find a way out and they came together at the end as family how do we deal with her fear of being apart from her kids we took her kids away from her frankly intelligently with grandma but in a way where she had to deal with it how do we finally get over fear the ultimate conquering of fear is when you realize what fear really is it’s just an energy it’s an energy that you’re not familiar with enough and so the unknown of it starts to take you over or it’s an energy that you’ve given a label to that the label starts to take control of you i’ll give you an example when i was growing up and i was just a young kid i loved bruce springsteen music you know i loved you know born to run and all those types of songs and i remember very vividly the first time i had a chance to actually meet him in person i was getting on a plane a semi-private uh plane it was somebody’s big private plane they’d thrown this party and they were taking people from new york from california to new york from l.
a to new york and uh and they’re at a bar on the plane and so i got a chance to go up meet bruce springsteen i was just a young kid and shook his hand and got to ask him some questions and i said listen you know i’m you know i don’t know if you’ve ever heard of what i do i’m this young guy but i do these seminars and i said i just love the energy of it i’m so committed and every time i get up i get myself in state i said i’d like to know i said do you get scared in front of a big crowd or is it boring to you at all or do you still get wired and what’s it really like and he began to describe to me exactly what it was like and i listened to every word he said it what’s fascinating to me is what he said and what i heard sometime later from someone who was very scared someone was having panic attacks here’s what bruce springsteen said to me he said well he said no i still love it are you kidding me he said i live for it he said when i’m backstage he said i do feel a change he said i forget what he called it the warm-up band or whatever it was when you hear them out there and you hear those first cheers he said there’s like an energy that starts to get in my body it says i kind of like to speed up just a little bit my body starts to speed up and he said i forget the exact words but he said i start to feel like this energy in my arms and my hands my heart starts to beat faster and i got a little tension in my body and he said and then that energy just really starts to get strong i start to get a little bit of sweat and he said right then i know i’m ready so i thought wow that’s really cool and it kind of just stuck in my head obviously and i thought you know how do i relate to that how do i get ready but i don’t know maybe five six seven eight years later i hear this famous person and they’re to give them their privacy i won’t mention their name but they’re telling that saying they can’t get on stage and the reason they can’t get on stage is something’s happened to them and having panic attacks and so finally i got a chance to intervene and have this communication and i said well describe to me what happens and why you can’t get on stage and this particular person said well what happens is when and they use the exact words but it was like when the band’s warming them up i hear the music in the background i hear some of the voices i hear the cheers and the clapping and this i get this tension in my body this this tension that starts to increase energy and the tension starts to increase i feel the building as time goes by my heart starts beating faster and then pretty soon i feel that tension in my arms and my hands and and i start to sweat and then all of a sudden i quit because i know i’m having a panic attack what’s in between a panic attack and getting ready a few words and once we change the words once we call it a panic attack all of a sudden that meaning takes us over see one of the great lessons if you watched this show was you watched a woman transform and she went through some kind of weird and ugly places to deal with it we all have to deal with those parts of ourselves where when we’re afraid we fight and it doesn’t look so good or we you know we fight we run away and you watch mandy do that but because she kept going through fear after fear after fear and made her do it and to her credit she did do it she started get some new experiences and she didn’t need a belief about what it was going to be like she had some experiences but the most important thing is when we got on that final rafting trip when all of a sudden there was a point when she’d experienced so much of this energy that all of a sudden her brain went this is actually exciting this energy it’s not fear it’s excitement they’re pretty close because when i’m excited i’m a little afraid but i just decided i’m enjoying this and if i just make that little shift where all of a sudden i say you know what i want some of this fear it makes me feel alive all of a sudden then fear becomes an energy you dance with instead of something that drugs you that stops you now it’s something that delights you and so i’m not saying that fear doesn’t still grab me by the guts at times and speed me up but when all that happens there’s a part of me goes i’m ready right i’m getting ready my nervous system is getting ready it’s time to rock and roll because the meaning is still within your power you can ask yourself some of the questions you learned in the earlier week when you’re being afraid like is it true you know what does this make me feel what if i didn’t feel this thought that i had to be a certain way would i be afraid you can do so many different things that we’ve taught you here or if you go to our courses like we teach people how to storm through a fire and it’s not about fire walking it’s about facing the fire of your life anything that stops you and we show you how to change your state in a moment physically mentally and do what you’re afraid of there are some simple techniques you can learn but you don’t have to learn anything if you just make yourself do it if you just step up so death of fear is obviously absolute when you just make yourself do the thing you’re afraid of and so that’s what this week’s about your breakthrough this week is really simple really easy all you got to do this week is say okay what am i afraid of what’s the fear that’s holding me back and be totally honest with yourself step two you gotta write down what do you fear more than that fear like i’m afraid of i don’t know i’m afraid of relationship but god i’m more afraid of being alone i’m afraid of skydiving but i’m more afraid of not facing and conquering myself because i know inside i know i’m more than how i’m living whatever it is and the third thing is what’s your action plan what’s something you’d never want to do but you’re going to do it this week because this week you’re in the midst of breakthroughs and you’re just going to do it you’re going to book that flight you’re going to go to that class you’re going to go that course you’re going to come up to that person where they say yes or no or not you’re going to express it you’re going to call on that client what is it you’re going to tell the truth in this relationship and resolve it one way or the other because as long as fear exists we’re held back the breakthrough happens when you face the fear and you do it anyway and this is the week to do it why because you chose to because you have the power to just decide and do it i could give you a ton of techniques with more time we don’t need techniques right now we just need you to step up and do what you know is right so do us a favor make a commitment decide what the fear is you’re going to face why are you going to face it why is it worth facing why do you got to conquer it why will you conquer it what do you what do you fear more or or why is now finally the time give yourself enough reasons because reasons come first and answers come second if you get enough reasons to conquer the fear you’ll do it and thirdly what are you going to do to conquer it what are you going to do to face it conquering it doesn’t mean you don’t feel it again in the future it just means you know you can handle it because you’ve handled it before what are you going to do and then when are you going to do it and we’d like you to do is go onto facebook or go in the comments here and make a commitment make a public commitment and then come back and tell us you did it and tell us what it means to you sound like fun well fear doesn’t sound like fun until you’ve done enough times and after a while it’s just a little bit of excitement so my message this week is real simple breakthrough by dancing with your fear you’re never going to get rid of it use it as an energy and move yourself forward this is the week this is the time well maybe even today’s the day i look forward to hearing the comments or real hearing what happens to you and seeing you next week make sure you watch our fifth episode our fifth special if you would and uh once you conquer that fear i can promise you’re gonna have a lot more energy and a lot more passion so be fearless this week live strong and live with passion see you next week you
