Little Miss Sunshine

Little Miss Sunshine

[ Man Announcing ]
The winner of a 30,000-dollar
scholarship…
is Miss Louisiana,
Erika Schwarz.
And the new Miss America
is Miss Kansas,
Tara Dawn Holland!
[ Audience Cheering ]
…scholarship…
is Miss Louisiana,
Erika Schwarz.
[ Audience Cheering ]
And the new Miss America is
Miss Kansas, Tara Dawn Holland!
[ Man ]
There are two kinds
of people in this world–
winners and losers.
Inside each
and every one of you,
at the very core
of your being,
is a winner
waiting to be awakened…
and unleashed upon the world.
With my nine-step
“Refuse to Lose” program,
you now have the necessary
tools and the insights…
and the know-how to put
your losing habits behind you…
and to go out and make
your dreams come true.
[ Sighs ]
No hesitating.
[ Chuckles ]
No complaining.
And no excuses.
I want you to go out
in the world,
and I want you
to be winners!
Thank you.
Thank you.
[ Woman ]
I’m on my way.
I don’t know how long.
I don’t know!
Richard, he has
nowhere else to go.
I’m not smoking.
I’m not!
Look, I’m at the hospital.
Yeah, okay. Bye.
[ Woman On P.A., Indistinct ]
Miss Hoover?
Your brother’s fine.
I need you to keep him
away from sharp objects–
knives, scissors.
If you have medications,
depressants in your house,
keep them secure.
I’d prefer
to keep him, but–
I know. The insurance.
You want to see him?
[ Chattering ]
Hey, Frank.
Sheryl.
I’m so glad
you’re still here.
Well, that makes
one of us.
[ Man On Radio ]
A strong low pressure system
passed across New Mexico,
bringing with it
a little moisture that
will cool things off a bit.
We may even see
a five- to 10-degree drop
in temperatures in Albuquerque.
There will be no significant
accumulations of rainfall–
Do you want to talk or no?
Nearly nothing,
but statewide 93%–
No.
Hello?
Anyone?
Down here.
We have you with Dwayne.
[ Knocks ]
Dwayne, hi.
Uncle Frank’s here.
He doesn’t mind, Frank.
We talked.
Wha– I know. I know.
But we can’t have you sleeping
alone. The doctor said.
I’m sorry.
I have to insist.
You’ll get along fine.
He’s really quiet.
And here’s your cot.
Please, Frank.
Please.
Thank you.
I’m gonna start dinner.
You can come out
when you’re settled.
And, uh, just
leave the door open.
That’s important.
Dwayne, honey, there’s
a bucket of chicken in the car.
Can you get it?
And, uh, I’ll make a salad.
Olive?
[ Girl ]
Yeah?
Is Grandpa with you?
Yeah.
What are you guys doing?
Rehearsing.
Okay, well,
dinner in 10 minutes.
Okay.
– Hi.
– Hi. Frank’s here.
Oh, God.
Did, uh, Stan Grossman call?
Well, check the machine.
Dwayne, please, come on.
The chicken. It’s in the car.
[ Machine Beeps ]
Will you set the table?
We’ll do paper plates tonight.
[ Woman On Machine ] Remember
Olive was runner-up in the
regional Little Miss Sunshine?
– They just called right now–
– Hey, it’s your sister!
Fuck.
[ Phone Beeping ]
Hi. Richard Hoover
for Stan Grossman, please.
Any way to reach him or–
Well, I’m just wondering
if this darn book deal
is done or not.
[ Clattering ]
If–
Yes.
[ Clattering ]
Okay, could you please
just have him call me
anytime over the weekend?
He has my cell number.
Just to let me know we’re on.
Okay? Thank you. Bye.
So what happened
with Stan Grossman?
He’s in Scottsdale.
Why didn’t he call?
Will you let me
worry about this, please?
Dwayne, can you check on Frank?
Tell him it’s dinnertime.
Olive! Dinnertime!
[ Olive ]
Coming!
What? Dinner?
What, you don’t
talk anymore?
Why not?
You can talk.
You just choose not to?
Is that Nietzsche?
You don’t speak
because of Friedrich Nietzsche.
Far out.
[ Sheryl Sighs ]
Frank, you can sit here
next to Dwayne.
Here’s the salad,
and I’m gonna run and get
Sprite for everyone.
Olive, come on!
Dinnertime!
[ Olive ]
Okay.
So who do you
hang out with?
No one?
What about your family?
Frank! Hey!
Richard.
Good to… see you.
Yes.
[ Groans ]
[ Dishes Clattering ]
Let me get Olive.
Olive? Dad?
[ Sheryl ]
You guys, go on and start.
Let’s go!
[ Olive ]
We’re coming.
Frank, some Sprite?
Yes.
And I want everyone to have
at least a little salad.
Thanks, Sheryl.
Honey.
So, Sheryl,
I couldn’t help noticing
Dwayne has stopped speaking.
Oh, yeah, he’s taken
a vow of silence.
You’ve taken
a vow of silence?
Yeah. He’s gonna join
the Air Force Academy,
become a test pilot,
and he’s taken a vow of silence
until he reaches that goal.
– You’re kidding.
– Hi, Uncle Frank.
Oh, hey, Olive.
Wow, you’re gettin’ big.
Almost like a real person.
– [ Chuckles ]
– [ Olive Gasps ]
– What happened to your arms?
– Olive.
That’s all right.
I had a little accident.
I’m okay.
How’s the, uh,
routine coming, honey?
It’s good.
Yeah? When are you
gonna show it to us?
I don’t know.
It’s up to Grandpa.
A couple of days.
It still needs work.
What’s that? Chicken?
Every night it’s
the fuckin’ chicken!
– Holy God Almighty!
It is possible just once–
– Dad!
we could get something
to eat around here that’s not
the goddamn fucking chicken?
– Hey, Dad! Dad!
– I’m just sayin’–
– Christ.
– When you want to start cooking
your own food, you’re welcome.
– At Sunset Manor, you know–
– If you like Sunset Manor, you
shouldn’t have got kicked out.
For God’s sakes.
So when did you start
with the vow?
Been nine months, Frank.
He hasn’t said a word.
Not one. I think it shows
tremendous discipline.
Richard.
I really do.
Really. I think we could
learn something from Dwayne.
Dwayne has a goal.
He has a dream.
It may not be my dream,
may not be yours,
but he’s pursuing it with
great conviction and focus.
In fact, I was thinking
about the nine steps–
Oh, for crying out loud!
And how Dwayne’s utilizing
seven of them in his personal
quest to self-fulfillment.
Richard, please.
Well, I’m just saying
I’ve come around.
I think he could use
our support.
How did it happen?
– How did what happen?
– Your accident.
Honey, here.
[ Frank ]
Oh, no, it’s okay.
Unless you object.
No, I’m pro-honesty here.
I just think, you know,
it’s up to you.
Be my guest.
Olive, um, Uncle Frank
didn’t really have an accident.
What happened was he…
tried to kill himself.
You did? Why?
[ Stammering ]
I’m sorry. I don’t think this
is an appropriate conversation.
Honey, let’s let Uncle Frank
finish his dinner, okay? Shh.
Why did you
want to kill yourself?
[ Richard ]
No, don’t answer
the question, Frank.
– Richard! Richard!
– He’s not gonna answer
the question. Frank.
I wanted to
kill myself because–
Don’t listen to him.
I was very unhappy.
He’s sick in his head.
– Richard!
– I’m sorry! I don’t think it’s
an appropriate conversation…
for a seven-year-old.
She’s gonna find out anyway.
– Okay.
– Go on, Frank.
Why were you unhappy?
Um, well, there are
a lot of reasons.
Mainly, though,
I fell in love with someone
who didn’t love me back.
Who?
One of my grad students.
I was very much in love
with him.
Him?
It was a boy?
You fell in love with a boy?
– Yes, I did. Very much so.
– That’s silly.
You’re right. It was silly.
It was very, very silly.
There’s another
word for it.
Dad.
So, that’s when you tried
to kill yourself?
Well, no.
The boy that I was in love with
fell in love with another man–
Larry Sugarman.
– Who’s Larry Sugarman?
– Larry Sugarman is, perhaps,
the second most highly regarded
Proust scholar in the U.S.
– Who’s number one?
– That would be me, Rich.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
So that’s when.
No. What happened was
I was a bit upset,
so I said some things
that I shouldn’t have said,
and I did some things
that I shouldn’t have done,
and subsequently
I was fired from my job…
and forced to move
out of my apartment
and move into a motel.
[ Blowing Nose ]
And that’s when you tried to–
Well, no.
Actually, all of that was okay.
What happened was two days ago
the MacArthur Foundation,
in its infinite wisdom,
awarded a genius grant
to Larry Sugarman.
And that’s when I–
Decided to check out early.
Yes. Yes. And I failed
at that as well.
Olive, the important thing
to understand here…
is that Uncle Frank
gave up on himself.
He made a series
of foolish choices– I’m sorry–
and he gave up on himself,
which is something
winners never do.
So that’s the story, okay?
Now, everyone, just
let’s move on and, uh–
[ Sheryl Continues ]
Is he always like this?
How can you stand it?
Olive, tell him about your
routine while you’re doing this.
Okay. Little Miss Chili Pepper
is a beauty contest
for everyone in Albuquerque,
but you have to be six or seven
and you have to be a girl.
This is our sister.
Cindy.
Spring break.
Dwayne went to see his dad
in Florida for two weeks,
and Olive went to Laguna
to see her cousins.
– She made it to the top
of the regionals out there.
– I was in second place.
Well, what do you think
your chances are?
I think I can win,
because some of the other girls,
they’ve been doing it longer,
but I practice every day.
– Yeah. Good luck.
– Not about luck, Frank.
Luck is the name losers give
to their own failings.
It’s about wanting to win,
willing yourself to win.
– You’ve got to want it
badder than anybody else.
– I do.
– Then you’re gonna be a winner.
– [ Sheryl ] Richard.
It’s the truth.
You know, actually,
there is a message
from Cindy on the machine.
Something about
Little Mrs. Sunshine.
– What? Little Miss Sunshine?
– Yeah.
What?
[ Machine Beeps ]
[ Woman On Machine ]
Sheryl, it’s Cindy.
Remember when Olive
was here last month?
She was runner-up in the
regional Little Miss Sunshine?
They just called right now
and said that the girl who won
had to forfeit her crown.
I don’t know why.
Something about diet pills.
But anyway,
now she has a place in the state
contest in Redondo Beach!
[ Screaming ]
– [ Continues, Indistinct ]
– [ Screaming Continues ]
Oh, my gosh! I won!
I won! I won! I won!
[ Richard ]
Finish your dinner!
I’m finished!
What happened?
I’m just calling to–
Cindy!
Yeah, we just got it.
Yeah, she basically went crazy.
[ Olive ]
I won! I won! I won!
No, I didn’t get that.
The machine cut you off.
Okay.
[ Olive Continues, Indistinct ]
Redondo Beach. This Sunday?
Wh– Are you guys going?
[ Whispering ]
Yes.
Can you put it off?
They have to.
They have to.
Where does that leave us?
We can’t do it.
We can’t.
No, no– No, I understand
that, Cindy. Yeah.
They–
I just– No, I’ll just
figure it out. Okay, bye-bye.
It’s this Sunday?
Why can’t Jeff and Cindy
take her?
They have some equestrian
thing in Santa Barbara.
You know, they do that horse
shit every single weekend.
Well, it’s the nationals.
They’re taking both horses,
so apparently it’s a big deal.
What about Olive?
Little Miss Sunshine!
Little Miss Sunshine! I won!
I won!
I’m going! We’re going!
You promised?
We’ll fly out
and come back Monday.
How are you gonna
get around out there?
We’ll rent a car.
And stay at a hotel?
We can afford it.
This is our seed money.
Well, if I had a little
help bringin’ it in.
– Don’t start that.
– It all goes to your
nine steps!
I told you I’m gonna talk
to Stan Grossman!
We’re gonna get locked
and loaded on this deal and
start generating some income!
But in the meantime
we’ve gotta be–
Okay, okay! We’ll drive!
I’m not drivin’.
How are you gonna fit
Grandpa in the Miata?
Well, Grandpa
does not have to come.
What? I coached her!
I gave her the moves.
I gotta go.
Why don’t you take the V.W.?
I cannot drive a shift.
I tried.
We’ll fly there.
We can’t afford it.
Well, that’s what we’re gonna do
unless you have a better idea.
Here. This is dessert.
I won! I won!
I won! I won! I won!
I won! I won! I won!
Miss Sunshine!
Little Miss Sunshine!
Little Miss Sunshine!
All right.
I’ll drive the bus.
Richard, I was told explicitly
not to leave Frank by himself.
No offense, Frank.
None taken.
You got Dwayne here.
They can look after
each other.
No, Richard!
That’s asking too much.
If something happened–
We can’t go, then, unless
Dwayne and Frank go with us.
[ Olive ]
Mom, where’s my bathing suit?
Right.
Frank?
I found it!
[ Door Slams ]
Okay.
I’m going! I’m going!
I’m going!
Oh, Dwayne, come on, please.
Think of your sister.
[ Richard ]
Come on, Dwayne.
It’ll be a lot of fun.
You can go to the beach and–
[ Frank ]
“This is unfair.
“All I ask is…
that you leave me alone.”
Dwayne, flight school.
I will give you permission
for flight school.
[ Olive ] I won! I can’t
believe it. I won! I won!
I’m gonna win this one too!
“But I’m not going…
to have any fun.”
Yeah, we’re all with you
on that one, Dwayne.
Grandpa! Grandpa!
Is Grandpa coming to California?
– We’re all coming, honey.
– [ Richard ] Hey, uh, hold on.
Olive, come over here
for a second.
Come here.
Sit down for a second.
Look, there’s no sense
in entering a contest…
if you don’t think
you’re gonna win.
So do you think you can win
Little Miss Sunshine?
Richard–
Are you gonna win?
Yes!
We’re going to California.
[ Laughs ]
Good night, Dwayne.
[ Writing ]
Not on your watch.
I wouldn’t do that to you.
[ Sighs ]
Thank you, Dwayne.
Coming from you,
that means a lot.
Good night.
Jesus, I’m tired.
I’m so fucking tired.
Do you know
how tired I am?
If some girl came up to me,
begged me to fuck her,
I couldn’t do it.
Dad? Watch
the language, huh?
That’s how tired I am.
She’s listening
to music.
Olive, I’ll give you
a million dollars
if you turn around.
See?
All right.
But the rest of us.
Oh, the rest of you.
Can I give you some advice?
Well, I’m gonna
give it to you anyway.
– I don’t want you making
the same mistakes I made.
– Can’t wait to hear this.
Dwayne– That’s your name,
right? Dwayne?
This is the voice
of experience talking.
Are you listening?
Fuck a lot of women, Dwayne.
Hey! Dad!
Not just one woman.
A lot of women.
That’s enough,
all right?
Are you gettin’ any?
Dad!
You can tell me, Dwayne.
Are you gettin’ any?
Come on, please.
No? Jesus.
You’re what, 15?
My God, man!
Dad!
You should be gettin’ that
young stuff. That young stuff
is the best in the world.
– Dad, that’s enough! Stop it!
– Will you kindly not interrupt!
See, right now you’re jailbait.
They’re jailbait. It’s perfect.
I mean, you hit 18– Man, you’re
talking about three to five.
Hey, I will pull
this truck over right now!
So pull the truck over!
Fuck you! I can say what I want.
– I still got Nazi bullets
in my ass!
– Ah, the Nazi bullets!
– You’re as bad as those
fuckers at Sunset Manor.
– [ Horn Toots ]
– What happened at Sunset Manor?
– Frank, don’t encourage him.
I’ll tell you what happened.
I paid my money.
They took my money.
I should be able to do
what the fuck I want!
– He started snorting heroin.
– You started snorting heroin?
I’m old!
Well, that
stuff’ll kill you.
What am I, an idiot?
And don’t you start taking
that shit.
When you’re young,
you’re crazy to do that stuff.
What about you?
I’m old. When you’re old,
you’re crazy not to do it.
We’ve tried. Believe me.
The intervention was a fiasco.
He’s worse than a two-year-old.
Can we please talk
about something else?
[ Frank ] I take it you didn’t
like it at Sunset Manor.
Frank.
Are you kidding me?
It was a fuckin’ paradise.
They got a pool.
They got golf.
Now I’m stuck
with Mr. Happy here,
sleepin’ on a fuckin’ sofa.
Look, I know you’re
a homo and all, but maybe
you can appreciate this.
You go to one of those places,
there’s four women
for every guy.
Can you imagine
what that’s like?
You must’ve been very busy.
Whoa! I had second-degree burns
on my johnson. I kid you not.
– Really?
– Forget about it.
What are you guys
talking about?
Politics.
Oh.
Fuck a lot of women, kid.
I have no reason to lie to you.
Not one woman.
A lot of women.
You heard what I said?
Did it go in anywhere?
[ Richard ]
Yeah, I think
we get the point, Dad.
[ Grandpa ]
Don’t show me the pad. I don’t
want to see the fuckin’ pad.
Mom, how much can we spend?
I would say four dollars.
Anything under four dollars.
Hi. You ready?
Yeah, I’m gonna have
the, uh, number five
with coffee, please.
All right.
A number seven, over easy,
and a grapefruit juice.
– Grapefruit. Okay.
– I would like a fruit plate.
And do you have chamomile?
Yes.
With honey, please.
[ Frank ] I would like
the lumberjack and coffee.
And extra bacon.
Extra.
Now, Dad, you should
probably–
Richard, don’t start.
He’s gonna kill himself.
Well, it’s his life.
Thank you, Sheryl.
[ Waitress ]
Garden salad?
And you.
I– I’m sorry.
I, um– Sorry.
Take your time.
Don’t apologize, Olive.
It’s a sign of weakness.
Um, well, I want– Okay, okay.
I know what I want. I know.
Okay, can I get
the waffles and, uh–
I don’t–
What does “alamodey” mean?
– Oh, that means
it comes with ice cream.
– Okay, “alamodey” then.
[ Sheryl ]
Olive, for breakfast?
You said four dollars.
Okay. You’re right.
Thank you.
Okay. Be right back.
Actually, Olive,
“à la mode” in French…
translates literally
as “in the fashion.”
À la mode.
“Mode” is derived
from Latin modus, meaning
“due or proper measure.”
– Frank, shut up.
– [ Sheryl ]
Richard!
Olive, can I tell you
a little something
about ice cream?
Yeah.
Well, ice cream
is made from cream,
which comes
from cow’s milk,
and cream has
a lot of fat in it.
Richard.
What?
She’s gonna find out
anyway, remember?
What? Find out what?
Well, when you eat ice cream,
the fat in the ice cream
becomes fat in your body.
[ Sheryl ]
Richard, I swear to God–
It’s true.
– What? What’s wrong?
– Nothing, honey.
Nothing’s wrong.
So if you eat
a lot of ice cream,
you might become fat.
And if you don’t,
you’re gonna stay nice
and skinny, sweetie.
– Mom–
– Olive, Richard is an idiot.
I like a woman
with meat on her bones.
[ Olive ]
I don’t–
Why’s everyone so upset?
No, no one’s upset,
honey. I–
I just want you
to understand…
it’s okay to be skinny,
and it’s okay to be fat,
if that’s what you want to be.
Whatever you want,
it’s okay.
Okay, but, Olive,
let me ask you this.
Those women
in Miss America–
Are they skinny,
or are they fat?
Honey?
Well, they’re skinny,
I guess.
Yeah. I guess they don’t
eat a lot of ice cream.
Okay. Coffee. Coffee.
– Grapefruit.
– Thank you.
Chamomile.
And here’s your ice cream.
“Alamodey,” right? I’ll be back
with your waffles in a second.
Does anyone
want my ice cream?
Yeah, I’d like a little.
Dwayne? Frank?
Olive’s not gonna have
her ice cream.
Do you mind if I have a little?
Yeah, let’s dig in.
That looks really good.
[ Grandpa ]
Boy, I feel sorry for anybody…
that doesn’t want
to enjoy their ice cream
so early in the morning.
Boy, that looks good.
You sure you don’t
wanna have some, Olive?
Those waffles are gonna be
awful lonely in there.
– Mmm! Mmm!
– Watch this.
Wait! Stop!
Don’t eat it all.
– All right, Olive–
– Richard!
Hey, Stan!
[ Truck Horn Honks ]
Stan, it’s Richard. Again.
Listen, I know you’re busy,
but we’re just dying to hear
what sort of numbers you
came up with in Scottsdale.
So, uh, give me
a call, please.
Hey, did you get him?
No, I can’t get a signal
out of this thing.
[ Groans ]
How long till we get there?
A long time, honey.
I know. But how long?
Well, we gotta do
600 miles of driving today
and 200 tomorrow.
That’s a lot of driving.
Let’s go.
I’ll drive for a while.
No, no. I got it.
No. I gotta learn
how to do this.
You’re doing it.
How hard can it be?
[ Gears Grinding ]
Push the stick down hard.
I’m pushing hard.
[ Grinding Continues ]
Okay. Okay, there you go.
Now push the clutch in
all the way to the floor.
It’s on the floor.
The floor.
[ Grunting ]
[ Grinding Continues ]
[ Muttering ]
Sticking on there.
Push down hard.
[ Grunting ]
[ Man ]
Well, you’ve got a problem.
Your clutch is, uh, shot.
Can we get a new one?
These old buses, you–
you have to order the part.
How long does it take?
Well, it’s the weekend,
so… maybe… Thursday.
[ Panting ]
[ Dog Barking ]
[ Groans ]
Is there a, uh,
dealership around here?
Well, uh, they’re
probably gonna be closed.
It’s, uh–
It’s the weekend, you know.
Yes, we’re aware of that.
I’ll tell you what.
You know these–
these old buses?
You don’t need the clutch
to change from– from
the third to the fourth.
You only really need
the clutch to go from
number one to number two.
But as long as you keep
parking on a hill,
and you let it go, and it goes
15, 20 miles per hour,
you start her in third,
and you go from third to fourth.
What if you’re not
on a hill? There’s no hill.
What if there’s no hill?
What do you–
Yeah, it’s–
Olive, Dad, I want you
in the car first.
I know. We know.
All right,
here we go!
Everybody push!
All right.
Here we go! Push! Push!
[ Grunting ]
Ok– Ok– Okay!
I just want everyone here
to know…
that I am the preeminent
Proust scholar
in the United States.
Here we go!
[ Engine Starts ]
[ Sheryl ]
Go on, honey.
I’m putting it in gear!
Go, honey!
[ Richard ]
Come on!
Come on, Olive!
Run! Run! Come on!
Come on!
Sheryl,
let’s go!
[ Screaming ]
Sheryl!
Frank, let’s go!
I’m coming.
[ Sheryl ]
You’re losing them. Slow down!
I can’t slow down!
– Come on! Come on!
Come on, you dumb bastard!
– I can’t. I can’t slow down.
– I can’t slow down!
– Let’s go!
[ Sheryl ]
Help him. Come on!
Come on. Come on.
Get in.
[ Sheryl Screams, Laughs ]
[ Frank ]
No one gets left behind.
[ Sheryl ]
Close the door!
No one gets left behind!
Outstanding, soldier!
Outstanding!
[ Laughs ]
Outstanding.
Was that fun?
Yeah.
[ Laughs ]
[ Richard ]
So finally
I’m just sitting there,
and I decide, you know,
“This is Stan Grossman.
What the hell?”
And I start pitching him
the nine steps.
And about– I don’t know–
two minutes in,
he stops me, he says,
“I can sell this.”
[ Frank ]
Mm-hmm. Interesting.
Yeah, and this is the guy
who knows how to do it.
You start with a book, and then
you do a media tour, corporate
events, DVD, VHS series.
I mean, there’s a whole
fascinating science into
how you roll these things out.
– Wow.
– Yeah, so he’s in Scottsdale
right now, you know,
building the buzz
and kind of getting
the whole hype thing going.
He’s doing what the pros call
a ticking clock auction.
Oh, how about that!
Yeah, and I can detect
that note of sarcasm
there, Frank.
What sarcasm? I didn’t–
I didn’t hear it.
But I want you
to know something.
I feel sorry for you.
You do? Good.
Yeah, I do. Because sarcasm
is the refuge of losers.
It is? Really?
Yep.
Sarcasm is losers
trying to bring winners
down to their level,
and that’s step four
in the program.
Wow, Richard,
you’ve really opened my eyes
to what a loser I am.
How much do I owe you
for those pearls of wisdom?
That one’s on the house.
– Okay, you guys, that’s enough.
– It’s on the house.
That was for free?
No charge. No charge.
Stop it!
He started it.
[ Cell Phone Rings ]
That’s– Oh, wait a second.
– [ Sheryl ] You are so bad.
– Quiet. This is it.
This is that call.
He-Hello?
Stan?
Stan?
[ Chattering In Spanish ]
Stan Grossman?
Richard Hoover.
[ Laughs ]
Finally. How’re ya doin’?
No, I know.
We were, uh, on the highway,
and I lost you on my cell.
Forget about it.
How’d we do?
Honey, I’m gonna use
the ladies’ room.
You need to go?
No. I’m gonna go practice
my routine over there.
Okay, well,
don’t go too far.
[ Richard ]
Well, I think that we just
gotta talk to him a little.
No, you gotta talk to him.
No, Stan, listen to me.
Hold on now.
I am going
to get something to drink.
You want anything?
Stay positive and–
[ Continues, Indistinct ]
Yeah, get me some porn.
[ Chuckles ]
Okay.
Get me something
really nasty too. I don’t want
any of that airbrushed shit.
Okay.
Okay, here’s a 20.
Get yourself a little treat too.
Get yourself a fag rag.
[ Laughs ]
All right. I will.
Uh, that one.
Yes. And that one.
[ Bell Chimes ]
And I would like
that one– No, down.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
I would like that one.
And, uh, I will have a–
a blue raspberry Slushee.
Frank?
Oh, my God! How are you?
Uh–
I thought you were gonna be
in Santa Fe for the conference.
I was looking for you.
[ Bell Chimes ]
Aren’t you supposed
to be in New Haven?
Yeah.
Well, you heard about Larry and
the whole genius thing, right?
Yeah.
It’s official.
Oh, good.
So we’re going to this private
spa in Sedona for the week–
Larry’s here?
Yeah.
He’s out filling the tank.
He’s, uh–
Oh. Yeah, there he is.
Wow. I can’t believe this.
How have you been?
I’ve been fine.
Good. Good.
You know, I heard
that you got fired.
Yeah. No, I quit, ’cause
enough is enough, you know?
Right. Good. Good.
[ Chuckles ]
So what are you up to now?
Um, I’m weighing
my options…
and, um, just, you know,
taking some time off, and so–
Great. That’s great.
$19.79, sir.
♪♪ [ Man Singing Country ]
So–
Well, it was great
to see you.
Yeah, you too.
Take care of yourself.
You too.
Bye.
♪ I’ve got a lovely wife ♪
♪ Who thinks the world of me ♪
♪ Promised her my love ♪
♪ Through all eternity ♪
♪ I’ve tried hard
to make her happy ♪
♪ And so far she doesn’t know ♪
[ Clerk ]
Hey.
You forgot your Slushee.
[ Horn Honks ]
♪♪ [ Continues, Indistinct ]
You’re in Scottsdale
right now, right?
Okay, I can come by.
I’m gonna be coming
through there. I could
swing right by. We could–
Christ.
He’s not getting it.
[ Richard ]
Did you try that?
Listen to what
I’m saying, Stan! I’ll-I’ll–
[ Bell Chimes ]
So what happened?
Nothing.
Let’s get out of here.
Wait a minute. I thought
you said this was a done deal.
He said it was a done deal.
What, you didn’t
get anything?
Oh, my God!
Where does that leave us?
Fucked. That’s
where it leaves us.
I can’t believe I’m hearing–
Did you even try negotiating?
Yes! Of course I tried!
What do you think I–
Let’s just go, okay?
Let’s go. Let’s go.
Come on.
Let’s go!
“Where’s Olive?”
Oh!
– [ Horn Honks ]
– All right, Frank.
Come on, Olive.
Come on, Olive.
Come on, sweetie, jump.
Jump in the car.
We can’t stop. Jump.
I got her!
I got her!
[ Sheryl Whoops ]
Richard.
Yeah.
Whatever happens, you tried
to do something on your own,
which is more than
most people ever do,
and I include myself
in that category.
You took a big chance.
That took guts,
and I’m proud of you.
Okay, Dad.
Thank you.
Thank you, Dad.
Okay, here is 11.
Frank, you’re 12.
And Grandpa’s 13.
Can I sleep
with Grandpa tonight?
Well, you’ll
have to ask Grandpa.
Grandpa?
I got two beds.
You could still use
some rehearsing.
[ Olive ]
Yeah, that’s
what I was thinking.
[ Richard ]
All right, everybody,
we have a long day tomorrow.
I’ll knock on your doors
at 7:00 a.m.
That means no lollygagging.
We need to be packed
and on the road by 7:40, guys.
[ Sheryl ]
Frank, you guys’ll be okay?
[ Frank ] Yeah, we’re fine.
Okay, well,
good night.
Good night.
Sleep tight.
Okay.
What a fucking nightmare.
[ Bag Thuds ]
Richard, we–
we have to talk.
Please.
Sheryl, let’s just
get through this and go home.
[ Sheryl ]
No, Richard,
we have to talk now!
[ Richard ]
I tried to tell you
we couldn’t afford this trip!
Do you realize
we’re becoming bankrupt?
We are not bankrupt!
[ Arguing Continues ]
Hey, don’t listen to that.
Let’s turn on the tube.
– We agree that the right man
to preserve the traditions–
– I’m gonna brush my teeth.
Secretary Rumsfeld and I
thought long and hard…
about this important choice.
To me–
[ Sheryl ]
You said this was a lock!
You said it was a done deal!
[ Richard ]
Stan Grossman said
it was a done deal!
[ Sheryl ]
I’m not married
to Stan Grossman!
[ Richard ]
I trusted him! You gotta trust
to be trusted! That’s step six!
[ Sheryl ]
Oh, fuck the nine steps,
Richard!
They’re not working!
Forget it! It’s over!
I never want to hear
about the nine steps again!
– [ Growling ]
– [ Growling ]
– [ Snarling ]
– [ Snarling ]
[ Growls ]
[ Growls ]
Perfect. Perfect. You’re
the world champion growler.
Time for your beauty rest.
Get in there.
There you go.
Good night.
Grandpa?
Yeah.
I’m kinda scared
about tomorrow.
Are you kiddin’ me?
You’re gonna blow ’em
out of the water.
They’re not gonna know
what hit ’em.
Grandpa?
Yeah.
Am I pretty?
Olive, you are…
the most beautiful girl
in the whole world.
Nah, you’re
just saying that.
No, I’m not. I’m madly
in love with you.
And it’s not
because of your brains
or your personality.
It’s because you’re
beautiful, inside and out.
Grandpa?
What?
I don’t want to be a loser.
You’re not a loser.
Where’d you get the idea
you’re a loser?
[ Crying ]
Because Daddy hates losers.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Back up a minute.
You know what a loser is?
A real loser is somebody
that’s so afraid of not winning,
they don’t even try.
– Now, you’re trying, right?
– Yeah.
Well, then, you’re not a loser.
We’re gonna have fun tomorrow,
right?
Yeah.
[ Sniffles ]
We can tell ’em all
to go to hell.
Good night, sweetie.
I love you.
[ Sighs ]
What are you doing?
I’m gonna fix this.
Richard–
I’m gonna fix this.
[ Door Opens, Closes ]
Here we go.
Here we go.
[ Engine Starts ]
[ Tires Screech ]
[ Horn Beeps ]
[ Chattering ]
Hi.
[ Chattering ]
Hi. Stan Grossman, please.
Stan, it’s Richard.
I don’t know
where the fuck you are.
I’m at the hotel.
Call me.
[ Phone Beeping ]
[ Line Ringing ]
[ Cell Phone Ringing ]
[ Man ]
So he’s standing in front of
my office, and he says to me,
“The book is really a memoir.
It’s from my life experience.”
[ Cell Phone Ringing ]
His life– He’s 20.
So I said,
“You want me to teach you
about life experiences?
You can write a book
about my experiences.”
So he says to me–
[ Line Ringing ]
Hello, Stan.
You’re the one
that said it would sell!
That’s what I thought
at the time.
But it’s a great program.
You said so yourself.
I don’t understand.
It’s not the program, Richard.
It’s you. Okay?
No one’s heard of you.
Nobody cares.
What’s the next step?
There is none.
We had our shot.
It didn’t fly.
We move on.
You-You mean give up?
Richard.
Hey, wh– Whoa, hey!
One setback here, and
you’re ready to just quit?
Richard, listen.
I pushed this thing hard, okay?
I rammed it down
their fucking throats,
and no one bought it!
It’s time to move on.
You’re not gonna win this one.
Okay. Okay.
You know what?
Good. I’m glad.
You know why?
Because this
is what the nine steps
are all about.
Right here, Stan.
Right here!
Richard.
Richard, please.
You blew it!
You blew it.
You’re out.
[ Horn Honking ]
[ Olive ]
Mom? Dad?
[ Sighs ]
What is it, hon?
Grandpa won’t wake up.
[ Siren Wailing ]
[ Chattering On P.A. ]
Want to take an eye test?
Uncle Frank?
An eye test?
Olive, come here.
Put those away.
We’re gonna have
a family meeting.
Dwayne, family meeting.
[ P.A. Chattering Continues ]
First of all,
the doctors are doing
everything they can
to help Grandpa right now.
He’s had a long,
eventful life,
and I know he loves
both of you very much.
But if God wants to take him,
we have to be ready
to accept that, okay?
Whatever happens,
we’re a family.
And what’s important
is that we love each other.
I love you guys
so, so much.
[ Sheryl Sobbing ]
[ Chattering On TV ]
[ Man On TV ]
Look at this.
This is a 15-pound turkey.
It does it
in three hours’ time.
[ Infomercial Continues,
Indistinct ]
Are you the family
of Edwin Hoover?
Yes.
I’m sorry.
We did everything we could.
He was, uh–
Well, it was too much.
He probably just fell asleep
and never woke up.
I’ll have someone
come talk to you
about handling the remains.
Thank you.
[ Infomercial Continues,
Indistinct ]
Linda!
[ Chattering On P.A. ]
Mom?
Is Grandpa dead?
Yeah, honey.
He passed away.
[ Both Sobbing ]
[ Man On TV ]
That’s what this machine does.
Chicken, fish or beef.
So you always look forward
to eating the food.
And that, I believe–
[ Continues, Indistinct ]
Put it in the machine.
Center it. Turn it around.
Hi. I’m your
bereavement liaison, Linda.
My consolations
for your loss.
Thank you.
Okay, these are the forms
you need to fill out.
A death certificate.
A report of death.
An M.E. pink slip.
Please try and be
as detailed as possible.
Okay.
Um, this is a brochure…
for a grief recovery support
group that meets on Tuesdays.
And, if you like,
at this time, I can refer you
to a funeral home…
so you can begin making
your arrangements.
Actually, prearrangements
have already been made
in Albuquerque.
Albuquerque?
We’re actually on our way
to California right now.
If the body is crossing
state lines, you’re gonna need
a burial transit permit.
Okay, but we’re trying
to get to Redondo Beach
by 3:00.
3:00 today? Hmm.
Ain’t gonna happen.
Okay, um,
can I just–
I know that this is, uh–
this might be
a little unusual,
but if maybe
we could just go.
And then we’ll come back,
and we’ll take care of all
the paperwork and–
No. You can’t
just abandon the body.
No, no, no. Nobody’s
gonna abandon the body.
We’re gonna go and–
Otherwise, the hospital
becomes responsible.
Sir, there are ways
we have of doing things.
We’re gonna go
and come back.
You are not the only one
that’s had somebody die
here today, okay?
Is there any way we might
be able to view the remains?
We haven’t had a chance
to move him downstairs,
so someone may come in
in a few minutes
to take him to the basement.
Just tell them who you are,
and they will wait.
Thank you.
Okay?
And when you’re done
with the paperwork, I’ll be
at the nurses’ station.
Great.
Thank you, Linda.
Thank you.
[ P.A. Beeps ]
[ Chattering On P.A. ]
[ Chattering On P.A. ]
Goddamn it, Dad.
Goddamn it!
Stupid.
We’ll go to Little Miss Sunshine
next year, okay, honey?
Next year.
[ Sheryl Sobbing ]
No. No.
We’ve come 700 miles.
I will be damned if I’m not
making that contest, Sheryl.
Well, Richard,
we can’t leave him here.
We’re not gonna leave him.
– Richard, what are you doing?
– Fuck.
Dwayne, go around outside.
Richard,
what are you thinking?
– We’re gonna take him with us.
– No, no. That is not happening.
He’s better off with us
that these people.
I want you to go around outside
and underneath this window.
[ Sheryl ]
Dwayne, don’t you dare move.
Honey, you stay here.
We’ll take Olive.
Frank can drive.
No, Sheryl, we’ll be there
in two hours. I’ll call a
funeral home once we get there.
If there’s one thing
my father would have wanted,
it’s to see Olive perform
in the Little Miss Sunshine
Pageant.
Now, I believe we’d be doing
a grave disservice
to his memory…
if we were
to just give up now.
All right? There’s two kinds
of people in this world.
There’s winners
and there’s losers. Okay?
You know what the difference is?
Winners don’t give up.
So what are we here?
Are we winners,
or are we losers?
Huh?
Okay, okay, okay.
Let’s do it.
You guys go. Olive,
you watch the curtain.
[ Chattering On P.A. ]
I don’t know.
I have no reason to assume
it’s gonna be otherwise.
Watch. Get the back.
Get the back.
Shh. Go, go, go.
[ Siren Wailing ]
Yeah, 1:00.
[ Woman On Line,
Indistinct ]
Now?
He’s very heavy.
Be gentle.
Mm-hmm.
[ Richard ]
You got him?
[ Sheryl ]
One, two–
– Okay, three.
– Wait, wait, wait!
Not yet. Not yet.
[ Men Chattering ]
– Okay, go. Go, go, go.
– Shh, shh, shh. Okay.
[ Sheryl ]
Richard, I can’t do it!
I got him. I got him.
Come on.
Come on!
Hurry up!
[ Grunts ]
Okay, he’s slipping.
Okay.
Hold on.
[ Grunting ]
[ Frank ]
I got it. I got it.
I got it. I got it.
[ Grunting ]
Be careful.
[ Frank ]
Be cool. Be cool.
[ Olive ] Hurry up.
Keep watch, Olive.
Watch the curb.
Watch the curb.
[ Panting ]
Watch his head!
Watch it!
[ Grunts ]
Keys.
Swing him around this way.
[ Sheryl ]
Olive, get in.
Here we go.
Okay, let’s go.
[ Richard ]
Sheryl. Let’s go, Frank.
Did I mention that I am
the preeminent Proust scholar
in the U.S.?
[ Groans ]
Here we go! Here we go!
[ Sheryl ]
Are you okay?
[ Olive ]
Dad?
Yeah, honey?
What’s gonna happen
to Grandpa?
Uncle Frank?
Yeah?
Do you think
there’s a heaven?
That’s hard to say, Olive.
I– I don’t think anyone
knows for sure.
I know,
but what do you think?
Um, well–
I think there is one.
You think
I’ll get in?
Yes.
Promise?
Yes.
Whoa! Hey!
Son of a bitch!
[ Horn Honking ]
What happened?
He– He cut me off.
[ Honking Continues ]
It’s stuck.
[ Sheryl ]
Okay, just leave it.
It’s stuck or something.
[ Groans ]
Maybe– Try pulling it
from under here.
No, no. Just leave it.
– Fix it when we get there.
– Okay, fine.
Shit!
[ Siren Wailing ]
Oh, Jesus! God!
I’m being pulled over.
Here we go.
Okay. Everybody just
pretend to be normal, okay?
Like-Like everything’s
normal here.
[ Honking Continues
Intermittently, Weakly ]
[ Fist Slams ]
How you folks doin’?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, we’re fine.
Just– [ Grunts ]
Little trouble
with the horn?
Sorry. What?
Havin’ a little trouble
with your horn?
Yeah.
Little trouble. Sorry.
Uh, sorry.
Could you step outside
the vehicle?
[ Honking Continues ]
Step this way, please.
No, no.
What?
Don’t–
“Don’t” what?
Do you have something
in your trunk, sir?
It’s nothing. I–
– Don’t– Don’t open it.
– You’ve just given me probable
cause to search your trunk.
– Just– I– I just–
– Put your hands on
the vehicle now! Now!
Don’t move.
Okay.
It’s not illegal!
Sir, I would advise you
to keep your mouth shut!
Oh, my God.
What is he doing?
– It’s not illegal.
– Goddamn.
Sir, could you
come back here?
[ Chuckles ]
I love this stuff.
I love it.
God bless ya.
God bless ya.
Don’t worry.
I’m not gonna bust ya.
Oh, thank you.
[ Chuckles ]
How you doin’?
[ Chuckles ]
Cute– Cute family.
That’s nice.
Thank you.
This on the side. A little
of this, a little of that.
It’s–
Oh, man.
Sweet– Sweetness.
That is sweet.
Yeah.
Dirty.
And this one is one
of my favorites.
Ahh, good, yeah.
That’s a little
different choice.
No?
Gonna leave
that with ya.
All right.
You have
a good day there.
Yeah.
[ Honking Continues ]
What happened?
I’ll tell you when
I regain consciousness.
[ Motorcycle Engine Revving ]
Frank, Dwayne,
get out and push.
[ All Grunting ]
Okay, there it is–
Redondo Beach, 46.
[ Honking Continues ]
It’s 2:15.
Might be a few minutes late.
They said 3:00 sharp. They
were very explicit. We can’t
cross these people. Trust me.
– Mom, Dwayne has 20/20 vision.
– I bet he does.
– [ Honking Continues ]
– Okay, now I’m gonna check
to see if you’re color blind.
[ Vehicle Horn Honks ]
[ Man ]
Asshole!
– [ Mouthing Words ]
– What’s the letter
in the circle?
No, no, no.
Inside the circle.
Right there. See?
It’s an “A.” Can’t you see it?
Right there.
It’s bright green.
Oh, man.
[ Sighs ]
Dwayne, I think you
might be color blind.
You can’t fly jets
if you’re color blind.
We’ve got a little bit of–
Okay, got an emergency
back here.
I think we need
to pull over.
What is it?
What’s the emergency?
Pull over.
It’s all right, man.
Dwayne, Dwayne!
It’s all right. Hold on.
Just pull over the car!
Okay! All right!
– Could you get him
to pull over, please?
– Richard, pull over!
– Richard, pull over the car!
– It’s all right.
We’re pulling over.
I’m pulling over.
Stop it.
It’s all right.
– Dwayne! No, no.
Dwayne! Sit down.
– God, this better be good.
[ Sheryl ] Pull over.
[ Richard ]
I’m pulling over. All right.
Stop the car.
It’s gonna be okay, Dwayne.
All right. Don’t open the door.
[ Sheryl ]
Dwayne? Oh, God!
[ Gasping ]
Fuck!
[ Screams ]
[ Sheryl ] What happened?
[ Frank ]
He’s color blind. He can’t fly.
[ Sheryl ]
Oh, Jesus. Oh, no.
[ Sobbing ]
Uh, just–
just give him a second.
Dwayne?
Dwayne, honey,
I’m sorry.
Dwayne, come on.
We have to go.
I’m not going.
Dwayne–
I said I’m not.
Okay? I don’t care.
I’m not getting
on that bus again.
Dwayne, for better or worse,
we’re your family.
No, you’re not my family!
Okay? I don’t wanna
be your family!
I hate you fucking people!
I hate you!
Divorce, bankrupt, suicide!
You fucking losers!
You’re losers!
No. Please,
just leave me here, Mom.
Okay?
Please, please, please.
Please just leave me here.
[ Sighs ]
Shit.
I don’t know
what to do.
[ Richard ]
Well, it’s gettin’ late.
Maybe– Can somebody
stay here with him?
I’ll stay.
Oh, that is
not happening.
All right.
Well,
uh,
I’m just worried
about the time.
Olive, you, uh–
you wanna try
talking to him?
Richard, no!
There is nothing to say.
We just have to wait.
Honey–
[ Sighs ]
Okay.
Let’s go.
I apologize for
the things I said.
I was upset.
I didn’t really mean them.
It’s okay. Come on.
[ Sniffles ]
Let’s go.
[ Honking Continues ]
[ Richard ]
2:55.
All right. Everybody,
look for the exit, okay?
Okay, here! Here’s the turnoff.
Turn in here.
Does anybody see
the Redondo Suites?
– [ Olive ] There’s the hotel!
– There it is!
There it is, Olive.
We’re gonna make it.
We’re gonna make it. All right.
How– How the hell
do you get over there?
Sheryl?
No, no, no, no!
– [ Olive ] You’re passing it!
– [ Sheryl ]
Turn around, turn around.
– You drove past it!
– You’ve gotta turn around!
– It’s back there!
– I can’t turn around.
– Anybody see a way back?
It’s a one-way street!
– Oh!
– [ Grunting ]
– Rich! You’ve got parking lots
on the right!
– [ Sheryl ]
Here, here!
– Put your seat belt on, baby!
What are you doing?
I can’t slow down!
I can’t!
– [ Richard ]
What time is it, Frank?
– Oh, 2:59.
– Dad!
– Straight shot from here.
We’re gonna make it.
[ Sheryl ]
Oh, it’s a dead end!
I’m not goin’ back!
You have to go back!
That is a one-way road!
That’ll take us all the way
back to the freeway!
– You’re the one who told me
to go left back there!
– [ Sheryl Shouting ]
I’m not turnin’ back.
Richard!
[ Olive ]
It’s right there!
What– What are you doing?
You can’t do this!
God, Richard!
Okay, here’s the hotel.
[ Frank ]
Okay, stop!
[ Richard ]
Where’s the entrance?
[ Sheryl ] Right here!
You passed it!
You’re passing it!
[ Richard ]
Hold on!
Here we go. One more time.
Little bump.
[ Olive ]
Mom!
[ Panting ]
[ Chattering ]
Hello?
Hi. We’d like to register.
Sorry, we’re closed.
Uh, no. We have
the entrant right here.
We just wanna check in.
Registration
ended at 3:00.
It’s 3:00 now.
No.
Come on. Have a heart. We’re
four minutes late. We just drove
all the way from Albuquerque.
– Then you should’ve
been here by 3:00.
– [ Richard ] Wait, wait.
There must be some way
we can work this out. Please.
Everybody else
was here before 3:00.
I’d be giving unfair advantage.
No, we’re not looking
for an advantage.
We just want her to compete.
Don’t yell at me, sir.
I didn’t make you late.
We’ve settled on
the schedule for the show.
We’ve turned off the computers.
Our lineup is final.
I have a hair check to do.
Okay–
I’m sorry that you’re late,
but I can’t help you.
Please.
You don’t know
what we’ve been through.
Um, Miss Jenkins?
I– I can put ’em in the system.
– Oh, Kirby, you don’t have to.
– No, it’s okay.
Takes five minutes.
Well, it’s your time.
Excuse me.
[ Frank ]
Thank you, Kirby.
Thank you very much.
Really, you don’t know
what this means.
Please, it’s only five minutes.
[ Chuckles ]
I am not working for
these people next year.
These people are crazy.
Okay, so,
what’s your name?
Olive.
That’s a nice name.
– Mom, Mom! Look!
– What’s her last name?
– It’s Miss California.
It’s really her!
– You want to go say hi?
[ Kirby ]
Albuquerque–
[ Typing ]
Thank you.
[ Woman ]
Bonnie, come here.
Hi!
What’s your name?
Olive.
What’s your talent,
Olive?
I like dancing.
Dancing was too hard for me.
I’m a singer.
You must be
a good dancer.
I am. I’m really good.
I bet you are.
[ Pen Scribbling ]
Well, thanks for stopping by,
Olive. Best of luck.
Hmm. Miss California?
Do you eat ice cream?
I love ice cream.
My favorite flavor is
Chocolate Cherry Garcia,
although, technically,
I think that’s a frozen yogurt.
Okay?
Okay. Thanks. Bye.
Bye.
Mom, she eats ice cream.
I heard.
Your packet has tickets in it
and your badge number.
Okay.
Is there anything else?
Uh, yeah.
Is there a funeral home
around here?
[ Mechanical Whirring,
Spraying ]
[ Chattering ]
Hi.
Hi.
Okay, Olive,
let’s get your swimsuit on.
You wanna go change
behind the curtain?
Okay.
This is the last touch-up,
everybody. Final touch-ups.
Last touch-up.
[ Camera Shutters
Clicking ]
[ Giggling ]
– Okay! Wait!
– I won’t wait for you!
Let’s get outta here.
Hey! Hey, Olive Hoover.
Mm-hmm?
Hey, I need your music.
Oh, music, right.
Yeah.
Where is it?
All right.
[ Mumbles ]
Here you go.
This?
Did you choose this?
No, my grandpa did.
Your grandpa?
Mm-hmm.
Which track?
Twelve.
We were drivin’ five,
six hours.
Thought he was napping.
By the time we
figured it out, it’s–
You know.
Too late.
So where’s the body?
Um–
Personal effects.
Thank you.
You take care.
You too.
[ Doors Close ]
Are you ready?
I’m ready.
[ Audience Murmuring ]
[ Man ] She was scared,
but she did very well.
[ Woman ] Was she?
♪♪ [ Fanfare ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the 24th annual…
Little Miss Sunshine Pageant!
[ Cheering ]
Yes!
Now, please, put your hands
together once again and help me
welcome to the stage…
our 12 beautiful contestants!
[ Cheering ]
[ Applause ]
♪♪ [ Pop ]
♪ Get catwalkin’, baby ♪
♪ Work it, own it ♪
– Wow.
– ♪ Look at you
Get catwalkin’, baby ♪
♪ That’s right, feel it
Get catwalkin’, baby ♪
♪ Work it, own it ♪
♪ It’s your turn
It’s your moment, let’s go ♪
♪ Flash, flash, hold it still
Pivot, freeze ♪
♪ Your looks could kill
Strut it on by
Strut it on by ♪
♪ Strut it on by and turn, hah
Flash, flash, hold it still ♪
♪ Pivot, freeze
Your looks could kill ♪
– ♪ Strut yourself on down ♪
– [ Chuckles ]
♪ Get catwalkin’, baby ♪
♪ Oh, there it is ♪
♪ It’s your turn
It’s your moment, let’s go ♪
♪ Flash, flash, hold it still
Pivot, freeze ♪
♪ Your looks could kill
Strut it on by
Strut it on by ♪
♪ Strut it on by and turn, hah
Flash, flash, ooh, yeah ♪
♪ Pivot, freeze, ooh, yeah ♪
♪ Strut yourself on down ♪
♪ Get catwalkin’, baby ♪♪
Oh, let’s have
a big round of applause
for our lovely contestants!
At the end of the evening,
one of these girls…
will be crowned
Little Miss Sunshine!
Olive, honey,
are you okay in there?
Yeah, I’m fine.
Hey.
What?
You got a kid in the show?
[ Emcee ]
♪ O beautiful ♪
♪ For spacious skies ♪
Your first time?
Yeah, yeah.
♪ For amber waves of grain ♪
♪ For purple mountain ♪
♪ Majesty ♪
♪ Above the fruited plain ♪
♪ America ♪
♪ America ♪
♪ God shed his grace on thee ♪
♪ And crown thy good ♪
♪ With brotherhood ♪
♪ From sea to shining ♪
♪ Sea ♪♪
America!
It’s so beautiful!
[ Dwayne ]
Sometimes I just wish I could
go to sleep till I was 18…
and skip all this crap–
high school and everything–
just skip it.
You know Marcel Proust?
He’s the guy you teach.
Yeah.
French writer.
Total loser.
Never had a real job.
Unrequited love affairs.
Gay.
Spent 20 years writing a book
almost no one reads.
But he’s also probably
the greatest writer
since Shakespeare.
Anyway, he, uh– he gets
down to the end his life,
and he looks back and decides
that all those years
he suffered–
Those were the best years
of his life, ’cause they
made him who he was.
All the years he was happy?
You know, total waste.
Didn’t learn a thing.
So, if you sleep
until you’re 18,
ah, think of the suffering
you’re gonna miss.
I mean, high school?
High school– Those are
your prime suffering years.
You don’t get better suffering
than that.
You know what?
Fuck beauty contests.
Life is one fucking
beauty contest after another.
You know, school,
then college, then work?
Fuck that.
And fuck
the Air Force Academy.
If I wanna fly,
I’ll find a way to fly.
You do what you love,
and fuck the rest.
I’m glad you’re
talkin’ again, Dwayne.
You’re not nearly
as stupid as you look.
[ Sighs ]
[ Chuckles ]
Wanna go back?
– Not really.
– [ Chuckles ]
Yeah,
we should go back.
[ Emcee ]
And now, the moment
we’ve all been waiting for–
the talent competition.
[ Applause ]
♪♪ [ Piano ]
♪ Give my regards to Broadway ♪
♪ Remember me
to Herald Square ♪♪
Miss Carly Nugent.
♪ You got me dancin’
You’re takin’ me
to Love Street ♪
♪ In my mind and in my heart ♪
♪ And I’ll always be
dancin’ in the driver’s seat ♪
♪ Dancin’ in the driver’s seat ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪
♪♪ [ Yodeling ]
♪ I wanna be the rodeo queen ♪♪
Yee-haw!
[ Emcee ]
Yodel-lay-he-hoo,
that was great!
♪♪ [ Techno ]
[ Audience Exclaiming ]
– [ Cheering ]
– [ Emcee ]
Wow-ow-ow-ow!
Funky-licious!
♪♪ [ Continues, Faint ]
♪ Yee-yee-haw
Yee-yee-yee-haw ♪
♪ Yee-yee-yee-haw
Yee-yee-yee-haw ♪
♪ Yee-yee-yee-haw
Yee-yee-yee-haw ♪
♪♪ [ Continues, Faint ]
I’m goin’ backstage.
Yeah, right.
See ya.
[ Zipper Zips ]
Oh, look at you.
Is that your costume?
Mm-hmm.
[ Sighs ]
Okay, here.
Hey, what’s goin’ on?
Oh, I just–
I came to wish Olive good luck.
How you doin’, honey?
Good.
Nervous.
Yeah.
You’re gonna do great.
[ Kisses ]
I just know it.
Can I talk to you
for a second?
Yeah.
What’s up?
[ Sighs ]
I don’t want her
to go on.
♪♪ [ Girl Singing,
Indistinct ]
Are you authorized
to be backstage?
No. Hey.
Where are the dressing rooms?
[ Girl ]
Are you allowed to be here?
Just tell me where
the dressing rooms are.
– [ Door Closes ]
– Listen, we’re not
in Albuquerque anymore.
Hey, how are you feeling?
Better.
Where’s Olive?
There. What’s up?
Mom, I don’t want
Olive doing this.
Oh, my God!
Look around.
This place is fucked!
He’s right!
Look, I don’t want these
people judging Olive.
Fuck them!
Listen, it is too late.
No, it’s not too late.
You’re the mom,
and you’re supposed
to protect her.
Everyone is gonna
laugh at her, Mom. Please
don’t let her do this.
[ Woman ]
Olive Hoover, two minutes.
[ Dwayne ]
Look, she’s not a beauty queen.
She’s just not.
I’m gonna tell her.
No, Dwayne. You listen to me.
Olive is who she is.
She has worked so hard. She’s
poured everything into this.
We can’t just take it away
from her. We can’t.
I know you wanna protect her.
I know, honey, but…
we gotta let Olive be Olive.
– [ Door Opens ]
– Olive Hoover.
Are you the family?
Yeah. Okay?
Olive, it’s time. Okay?
Yeah.
We gotta go now.
Hang on.
Olive, look at me.
If you don’t
want to do this,
that’s okay.
If you want to sit this one out,
it’s totally fine by us.
We’re proud of you anyway.
We gotta go.
It’s time.
♪♪ [ Techno, Faint ]
Ready? Let’s go.
Good luck, honey.
Copy that. Twenty-five
is performance ready,
and we’re walkin’…
as fast as we can.
Is she
going on?
Yeah.
She’s going on.
[ Emcee ]
Pure fairy-tale magic.
Miss Charisma Whiteman!
Wasn’t that
a stardust fantasy?
Thank you for that.
You have been such
a patient audience.
We have one more contestant,
and then we’ll be crowning
our winner.
Please give
a warm welcome to…
Miss… Olive Hoover!
[ Applause ]
[ Whispers ]
Is everything okay?
Yeah.
Um, I’d like to dedicate this
to my grandpa,
who showed me these moves.
[ Emcee ]
Oh, that is so sweet!
[ Laughs ]
Is he here?
Where is your grandpa right now?
In the trunk of our car.
Okay!
[ Laughs ]
Well, take it away, Olive!
♪♪ [ Funk ]
Huh!
♪ She’s a very kinky girl ♪
♪ The kind you don’t
take home to Mother ♪
♪ She will never let
your spirits down ♪
♪ Once you get her
off the street ♪
♪ Oh, girl
She likes the boys
in the band ♪
♪ She says that
I’m her all-time favorite ♪
♪ When I make my move
to her room
it’s the right time ♪
♪ She’s never hard to please
Oh, no ♪
♪ That girl is pretty wild now ♪
♪ The girl’s a super freak ♪
♪♪ [ Continues ]
[ Woman ]
You suck!
[ Audience Members Booing ]
Those little fuckers.
I will kill them.
[ Woman ]
You stink!
♪ I really love to taste her ♪
♪ Every time we meet ♪
♪ She’s all right
She’s all right ♪
– ♪ That girl’s all right
with me ♪
– No, no, no, no, no.
♪ Yeah
Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ She’s a super freak ♪
♪ Super freak
She’s super freaky now ♪
– [ Gasping ]
– ♪ Everybody sing ♪
♪ Ow, ow ♪
♪ Ow, ow ♪
What is your daughter doing?
♪ She’s all right
She’s all right ♪
She’s kickin’ ass.
That’s what she’s doin’.
♪ That girl’s all right
with me ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
[ Panting ]
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ She’s a super freak ♪
♪ Super freak ♪
♪♪ [ Continues ]
Get over here!
Get over here!
– I want that little ragamuffin
off the stage this minute.
– [ Emcee ] All right.
– Get her. Right this minute!
– Don’t touch– Don’t touch her.
– Your act’s over, honey.
– [ Richard ]
Hey!
– Hey!
Hey, let go of my daughter!
– Oh!
– [ Screaming ]
– [ Dwayne ]
Holy sh–
Let her finish!
Get off me!
Help! Get off me!
Help me!
Take charge!
Just take charge!
[ Richard ]
Keep dancin’, honey!
Daddy’s okay.
Get your daughter
off this stage right now!
Now!
Honey?
[ Mouthing Words ]
♪ Super freak
The girl’s a super freak ♪
Like that?
Oh!
♪ Super freak
The girl’s a super freak
Yeah, yeah, ho ♪
♪ Dance, girl
Give ’em some freak, uhh ♪
♪ Super freak
The girl’s a super freak
Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Super freak
The girl’s a super freak
Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Look how fun ♪
[ Delighted Squeal ]
♪ She’s dancin’ ♪
♪ Dancin’ ♪
♪ The girl’s a super freak ♪
♪ The girl’s a super freak ♪
♪ The girl’s a super freak ♪
♪ The girl’s a super freak ♪♪
♪♪ [ Ends ]
Ooh!
Ah!
[ Applause Smattering ]
Yeah! All right!
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
[ Clears Throat ]
Okay, you’re out–
on the condition that you
never enter your daughter
in a beauty pageant…
in the state of California
ever again.
Ever.
I think we can
live with that.
All right.
We’re back in business.
Lock and load.
Olive, your grandpa would’ve
been really proud of you.
Yeah, you were great. Mm-wah!
[ Frank ]
You were beyond great.
[ Dwayne ]
You were incredible.
Thank you.
Let’s get outta here.
[ Panting ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Gasping ]
Whoo!
It’s in gear.
[ Engine Starts ]
What in the world?
[ Gasps ]
[ Horn Honking ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Honking Continues ]
♪♪ [ Whistling ]
♪ They’re just words ♪
♪ They ain’t worth nothin’ ♪
♪ Cloud your head ♪
♪ And push your buttons ♪
♪ Watch how they just ♪
♪ Disappear ♪
♪ When we’re far away ♪
♪ From here ♪
♪ And everybody knows
where this is heading ♪
♪ Forgive me for forgetting ♪
♪ Oh, it’s irrevocably
combined ♪
♪ Star-crossed souls
slow dancing ♪
♪ Retreating and advancing ♪
♪ Across the sky
and till the end of time ♪
♪ Like sisters and brothers ♪
♪ We lean on each other ♪
♪ Like sweethearts
carved on a headstone ♪
♪ Why even bother ♪
♪ It’ll be here tomorrow ♪
♪ It’s not worth
us sleeping alone ♪
♪ And look at you and me ♪
♪ Still here together ♪
♪ There is no one ♪
♪ Knows you better ♪
♪ And we’ve come ♪
♪ Such a long, long way ♪
♪ Let’s put it off ♪
♪ For one more day ♪
♪ And everybody knows
where this is heading ♪
♪ Forgive me for forgetting ♪
♪ Oh, it’s irrevocably
combined ♪
♪ Star-crossed souls
slow dancing ♪
♪ Retreating and advancing ♪
♪ Across the sky
and till the end of time ♪♪
♪ Up in the highest of heights
O’Hare blinks in flights ♪
♪ This land is yours
This land is mine ♪
♪ I see the captain in red
and Carroll at his head ♪
♪ This land is yours
This land is mine ♪
♪ The lightning over the park
The waters, brash and dark ♪
♪ We take a swim
We take a swim ♪
♪ I never meant to escape
The carpet and the drape ♪
♪ This land is yours
This land is mine ♪
♪ And when I make up my mind
I change it all the time ♪
♪ I take it back
I take it back ♪
♪ The numbers over the dam
Jo Davies and the band ♪
♪ I count them out
I count them out ♪
♪ There was a car in the bay ♪
♪ By the boat
that swept and swayed ♪
♪ Whoever you are in the light ♪
♪ In the water that we made ♪
♪ I’m counting it out
I’m counting it out ♪
♪ I’m working it out inside ♪
♪ I’m counting it out ♪
♪ To the floor ♪
♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]
♪♪ [ Ends ]