Breakthrough with Tony Robbins 4 Scott and Mandy Smith Story Behind the Story
hi it’s Tony Robbins listen welcome to behind the scenes the story behind the story for breakthrough in this episode we’re going to give you a little insight into an episode that we really selected because it deals with an issue that everyone has to deal with their life multiple times and that is this experience of loss it’s this emotion that seems to overcome us very often in lives whether it be the loss of a job loss of a loved one a relationship our finances loss of a dream loss is one thing human beings are not very good dealing with and so the issue here and the focus here of this particular episode was really to give you a chance to uncover the truth and the truth is nothing real is ever lost and I thought the best way to do that was to demonstrate it with the family that was experiencing an unbelievable trauma I mean most of us when you think about dealing with loss probably one of the most fearful one that’s the ones that most of us wouldn’t even want to imagine is the loss of someone we love much less one of our children and in this particular case if you watch the show and I’m hoping you have if not turn this darn thing off and go watch the show go check it out on Hulu there’s a clicking mark somewhere here where you can click and go watch it but if you watch the show you know that Mandy and Scott I had a really really intense experience they had the near loss of their daughter but for Mandy it was a real loss when her daughter got into that little go-kart and rammed in the back of that car at full speed and cracked her helmet split in half and was bleeding all over to this day she can’t hear in her in her ear she’s definitely her from the process but at the point there it wasn’t just something like loss of hearing the big concern was she was dead there was no breathing there was no pulse she was blue and then black now fortunately she survived but those moments where they where mandy thought she lost her daughter those moments became permanently seared in her nervous system so much so that instead of saying oh my god my daughter made it she’s living every single day trying to make sure she never loses her daughter again quite frankly in the beginning I almost didn’t want to work with this couple because I thought I’d rather deal with a family that has lost their child and show how people are able to deal with that but I thought no this is might be even better because this is a family where there isn’t just the loss of the trauma here ever being tied up in the drama which I know how to help somebody with and and anyone could be helpless to you now but also there’s really the loss of a family or there’s a loss of an intimate relationship between her husband and her and it looked to me as if that loss that happened before the trauma before if ever there was ever the accident in this situation so I wanted to get under deeper and then when I saw grandma moved in I said well there’s the loss of privacy and when our great-grandma is there’s the loss of intimacy there are all these losses that were stacking I thought you know what all of us have to deal with lost so let’s deal with that let’s uncover the truth with this family and maybe by looking at somebody else and we see what the truth is what what they present is the problem to themselves and each other is different than the truth maybe we can look at our own lives in the same way and that’s why we made this particulars show so Manny and Scott how to turn them around for me was pretty simple it’s like I knew I could take Mandy and I could do trauma cure or a phobia cure and there are many people that can do this I’m not the only one today My partner and I call him Adonis together we’ve trained over a hundred thousand therapists around the world and being able to take post-traumatic stress or take people that have gone through a significant trauma or panic attacks whatever label you want to give human beings can get over it when they have a reason to when you have a reasonably bit let go of it because if you don’t it’s gonna cost you something you love right now the problem is when we get a loss when we get a problem what many of us do is we lose one thing but we gain something else Mandy gained the ability get everybody’s attention her husband prior to the situation didn’t respond to her proud of the situation their relationship was in a tough place and say he would do his thing but now she goes on a panic attack and he comes running now she goes in a panic attack and her mother comes running and so people very often without realizing it will reinforce negative behaviors it’s not like Mandy was doing this consciously it wasn’t like she was trying to figure how to get attention it’s just when she had a real trauma her brain learned look at this I get loud from everywhere I got attention from everywhere I wasn’t getting that before so it’s some unconscious level we lock into how to meet our needs and that’s why a lot of people hang on to their problems and they can’t get over it but almost all of us have something we value more than our pain we value more than our problems and I needed to find out what that was and I believed I guessed in advance that the love of these children for Mandy that she if she really got associated to the pain and problem she was creating by dropping them and creating him a world where they couldn’t go outside they couldn’t play they couldn’t be kids again that might get her attention I thought maybe seeing she’s about to lose her husband cuz he’s about divorce her that if she could see that a change could happen there that she could win the things would change so I brought them and I did what I would normally do a first step get him out of the environment where they’re trapped just to get him a fresh thinking process without all the triggers of what was going on in that little house and we’d brought him to Fiji and then I only invited Scott Mandy but Reena literally showed up that was truly a surprise for us the story behind the story is she just decided her daughter was not going without her and she convinced her daughter at that stage you can’t live without me and you need the kids here and so they just showed up so I had suddenly had a new plan which was I had to figure out how to deal with what’s really going on with all these people I mean think of it this way if you really want to change your life you got to uncover the truth uncover the truth you got to hear what’s not being said communication is really about hearing what’s not being said it’s the unspoken x’ that influenced us the most and so my first task was to take you know Mandy and Scott pull him aside separate from everyone else and make sure that I got underneath what was really going on and I got finally Scott to see that Mandy was just crying out to him to say love me show me you love me even if I’m crazy show me you love me even if I’m traumatized show me you love me even if I blame you I need a Mandy to get the reality that she was blaming Scott for this accident when in fact he had nothing to do with it she was really blaming herself because she thought she should have done more she should have anticipated she should not have let her daughter Gideon you know to that front seat first and so she couldn’t beat herself up anymore now she’s beating Scott up because he was safe when these two started to understand this and I believe we’ll have here as one of our videos kind of that intervention where Scott begins to realize he can get through to her and she realizes he really does love her and we start to get underneath the real and the real truth is there is a trauma here but the deeper fear the deeper trauma is that love has been lost and we start to heal that in that first session there is a breakthrough between them and you see them crying holding each other loving each other it’s giant cuz they haven’t any feeling for each other the story behind the story that was this you know I knew that that was only the first step I knew that keep this going you have to stack breakthroughs otherwise people forget and so I thought the next thing to do is not to work and give more feedback really to Mandy but what I really need to do is make Scott stronger so that Mandy does he will be in the center he can be there for her so I took him skydiving didn’t end up in the show because we had a skit and squeeze everything into 44 minutes and so you don’t get to see the fact that she’s on the sideline and he goes skydiving and you see this incredible excitement show up in her when she sees he I’m just taking the world you taking somebody so afraid of just doing it anyway there’s a great scene that I’ll never forget didn’t make the cut now hopefully it’ll be on our clips here and it’s a time of what Scott has just finished eye diving and his little daughter his little son right on you know Austin to come here looking up at him like this with this incredible on their eyes and their dad did this and she’s looking at holding his arm and she has this total attraction for him again because it’s like reigniting a relationship requires polarity it requires that men and women are in their core energies if a person is masculine they gotta be an energy if they’re feminine they gotta be in that energy for us to have that attraction and you see it happening with them so no it’s great this couple knows they love each other they know what’s really going on they know the truth the trauma is still there I’m gonna deal with the trauma but we’re starting to deal with a deeper truth and then of course I got to deal with grandma cuz grandma the truth for grandma she loves both these guys but she’s alone without her kids she wants the grandkids she wants that love and as we would tell you and I really respect the heck out of her because it took gigantic growth most people can’t be that honest with themselves she was keeping Mandy close with her weaknesses because that made her feel needed and she was sublimating through her daughter because she had not had great relationships with men so we had that little altercation on the beach but it was an altercation that brought she and I closer and reunite Kame partners to turn this around and Rita had guts I mean she was willing to for her daughter to let go and I told her I said your daughter’s going to go on her own and go on this journey without you and we’ll let the kids go because I need her to see the kids are not glass if they’re not so breakable they’re gonna be on this scary adventure and they’re gonna be on it with them and eventually we’re gonna take the kids away and these two are gonna be on their own Maria really was fantastic really fantastic so she became a partner so that’s kind of the story behind the story Rita’s growth their growth and then of course when I took them on this tour what they didn’t know is I knew that any behavior like this this behavior of being traumatic and getting attention I don’t care who’s done it you and I have done it we’ve all been brats at times and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt but even after she was closer to her husband and even after all this had happened that I thought I put you know Mandi back in a stressful situation those little behaviors of you know kind of being bitchy and complaining and making Scott wrong and attacking him would show up again so as a test of two levels could Scott take it and keep his Center which he did an unbelievable job of doing and secondly could Mandy start to recognize her own pattern and how ugly it was because again I don’t know anybody you are or anybody else that doesn’t have some behavioral patterns at times that get triggered that we hope we’d hope the camera wasn’t running looking at us because we all got him I don’t care who you are and Mandy was willing to face this and deal with it and something was going to be on prime-time television and I made arrangements though to break her pattern as I usually do I try to find somebody’s got a bigger challenge and I made sure that the person who’s taking him on this wilderness adventure was a man who had his own story and his name is Craig DiMartino and Craig Craig’s a guy that’s like all white a total light he’s a man who was now one of the best you know mountain climbers in the world but he held he fell from a hundred feet and crushed his legs and lost one of his legs and so he’s walking carrying her gear all she complains carrying her daughter on his back and at the end of the day at the right time sure enough he sits her down to talk to her and he takes off his leg and talks about the problems he has with his nerves and the that he has and for a moment you see this opening Mandy but it didn’t last in fact you know I told Craig I said you got to drop these guys out in the middle of nowhere and I said they’re gonna have to find their way back now I want to be smart the story behind the story as I said I want to make sure along the way that you know Scott’s in a position where he knows how to use a map he knows where he is he doesn’t know he’s gonna get out but he knows how to read maps he’s following and he’s paying attention to where he is but then we’re gonna just have you leave and they’re gonna be in the middle of nowhere and they’re gonna have to find their way back so we did that as she saw the show you saw the pieces of this but what was amazing is you know Craig called me up and he said Tony I failed you I said what are you talking I said man he’s got a great part of her inside great person but she said she is so negative she is so demanding she is so harsh with Scott and all he does it kids are great Scott’s great I know there’s a great woman in there but I got it for a few minutes and she didn’t stick and I said you know Craig you’re under valuing yourself you she values you she respects you woody just needed jolt her one more time and so I said I need to write this letter and so I got him write the letter just saying what he’d said to me on the phone but I went read it in front of everybody her kids her mother etc in the whole world and if you watched the show you saw the shift that it made because all of us have a place well we’ll let go of our patterns we’ll let go of our loss we’ll let go of our angers let go of our hurts if we see the truth and in that moment she saw the truth and she didn’t want everyone to blame her mother so she said it’s me I’m responsible I’m being this way it’s not right and then of course the final step was uncovering the truth about fear fear is excitement you know fear has an energy to it don’t get me wrong if it’s pure fear and you don’t deal with it if you don’t dance with a fear it’ll eat you alive it’ll shut you down but if you take fear as an energy and you figure out how to use it how to apply it there’s not a lot of difference in fear and pure excitement if you’ve gone through our weekly course here we’re doing 22 440 minutes showing people how to apply the show to improve their life or doubt somebody else and if you haven’t know that please go check that on the site here all you gotta do is get your email and you get to do the course at no charge but when I show there for people is there’s fairly thin difference between fear and excitement and when finally I got her out there in that final process where she’s with her and they’re out you know in the river and there you know kayaking and they’re going to the whitewater rapids and all of a sudden something clicked where all of a sudden her brain said oh my god I love this I love the sense of adrenaline I love a sense of excitement this I feel alive again this is the person I really am and she rediscovered herself what she uncovered is the truth is she hadn’t lost anything loss is always an illusion you can’t lose anything if it’s real nothing real has ever lost used to note when I lost my job you can’t lose what’s real which is your passion for that work and if that’s if it really is your passion you’ll get that job or a better job again that work that mission part is still inside you if it was just a job you didn’t lose anything because you didn’t really have anything you know that wasn’t anything that that’s real that was just a skill set or it was just a filler when I say real I mean something you’re passionate about I mean something you care deeply about you might say Tony but I could I could lose my mom my brother my sister I’ve lost those people but I don’t have experienced loss anymore and the only difference is because the love I have for them can’t be lost the love I know that for me can’t be lost if you if you understand and and get out of your cognitive side of your head and get into the spirit or soul of yourself you know you can’t lose that love you might say no but I lost this I lost that it’s only a loss if you don’t use it you may have you know lost some capability some skill some ability but if it really pushes you wasps will lead to gain it’s a temporary loss so it’s not a loss you might become more courageous because of that loss you might become stronger you might start to care more then I make it sense you can create in your mind any meaning you want if you live in a world with loss can happen at any time you live in a world of fear and that fear will convert into something ugly either it’ll be fight or flight if light is you run away from everything and then you look weak to yourself and and there’s no muscle or aliveness in you and fight is kind of like what you saw happening with Mandy where it’s just like people get angry so they don’t feel scared so much but underneath that you were just scared if you really want to have an extraordinary life the theme of this show was to show you that you can rebuild anything but you got to do is find the good in anything if something quote horrific has happened then something extraordinary good must I have to come from that then there’s no loss I know the worst days of my life have turned out to be the best days cuz I went back and said how can I use this they weren’t some of them for many years and it’s not like are so smart but what I found in people’s lives is if you can take what you think is lost and turned it into Drive or nor hunger or to a caring that thing you lost will lead to something much greater and so net net there’s gain there’s greater growth there’s greater love there’s greater expansion of your spirit hope I’m outside you airy-fairy here but it’s really real you can feel like you’ve lost everything or you can take everything life gives you and see is a stepping towards step towards gain of a better you of a greater you of a deeper you of a more loving you or value that can give more that’s really what the opportunity is here and that was what this theme of the show is about so just to one other story behind the story for you that it’s just fascinating me even to me is that you may have seen the scene where at the end I’m showing I’m putting the closure on this we’re actually going back to the trauma and I’m taking Mandy back to the spot where you know she would not go in the yard the spot where you know Cody had had her accident and done this trauma work which you don’t see on screen that’s pretty simple to do and now she’s able to go there and just take everything in which was amazing but there was this moment where she changed that moment from a lost moment to a gain moment when she realized oh my god this is the day that I really began to realize what life is really about this is the day where my daughter survived this is a day where even hearing an ambulance instead of going oh my god someone’s dying it’s like someone who’s being helped that isn’t positive thinking that’s called intelligence if you are constantly focusing on what you can’t control and how hurtful it is then you’re going to be filled with pain and frustration and anger and sadness and loss if you’re constantly focusing on what life has given you in any situation then your life is full and rich beyond compare and you have more to give and your search that gonna have a lot more joy in your life but the last step of testing this was I had arranged to have an ambulance by I was gonna give a signal so that when she heard that stimulus that used to keep her from working now that stimulus would create a new meaning and it worked and then we heard these screams and doors in the story behind the story is know someone remember the crew that’s assigned to let this family know what was happening didn’t tell them somehow I messed up on the timing so when they heard the ambulance everyone went crazy the little kids started crying as they thought someone was hurt maybe their mom was hurt grandma would crazy great-grandma went crazy I mean everyone went nuts and Mandy heard the screams and I’m thinking oh my god someone didn’t tell them so we go running in that’s not fake that’s the real thing then ice to read up on the floor screaming and having these convulsions and I’m thinking okay she has panic attacks is this a panic attack or is there something deeper or is she faking it on a sleighing you know she’s looking for attention I had to ask those questions of that stage cuz Rina at that stage had not made her final breakthrough for herself yet and I said it’s okay she can breathe she’s just having you know are you just having a panic attack and she gave me some very colorful language and told me she was having a heart attack so I’m watching what happens Mandy springs into action she’s a medical assistant and she knows her mom she knows exactly what to do she gives her her medicine and her nitroglycerin it’s pretty intense medicine she’s had severe heart problems which I didn’t know and she calls her mom down we worked together to make that happen she has take more nitroglycerine Cris hearts still going and Mandy just handled it perfectly I mean perfectly but I want you to that wasn’t just a panic attack that was a heart attack she was having fuck we took her to the hospital afterwards and she spent the night there her mom did really well the next day but everything was Sat and Mandy I mean she wasn’t this is the one with shaking your boots couldn’t do anything who is now completely in charge the story gets better you can’t make these stories up the couple days later what we’re going for the final shooting in Los Angeles and we’re gonna have the surprise Mandy doesn’t know about but she knows she has to come to LA she in the family are driving to the airport and there’s a car swerving around in front of them and it pulls over and the person driving the car was having a seizure and Mandy got out she was going on help this person got him settled back down and then drove and followed in the hospital story gets better than this it’s like it’s unbelievable sounds like it’s made up video the facts on the plane from Reno California flying down to Los Angeles for our final taping I don’t know how far in flight it’s fairly short flight hour flight all of a sudden on the the audio system the the captain comes on and says is there a doctor on board is there a doctor on board please come to the front and nobody comes forward so she reads answers you know I’m a medical assistant for people in front of her sure be a sec there is a person that went into an epileptic seizure so as she got up to see it she saw the seizure so before he said anything she just man he kicked into action totally centered helpless person got their tongue out of their mouth settle them down got him out of the seizure calmed everybody else down and then you know drove the next thing you know got in that night and of course came in the next morning for a final share of our life that changed we this was all shared on stage but had to be cut for just time his story takes too much time but this woman changed their life at levels you can’t even imagine so where are they today I just spent the weekend with him also with all six other families and the special we did we did a big seminar together called unleash the power within with about 3,500 other people and what I’ll tell you is if you want to quick in a moment here you’ll see just a picture of their face look it and remember the picture of Manny when she started look what she’s like now look at Scott Scott a strong Skye can handle anything his wild of his wife is still crazy lady according herself but she’s no longer scared she’s no longer fearful the kids are free and they’ve started a foundation they always wanted to help horses and try to help people horses and they started a foundation that’s called hooves and angels and it’s a horse restoration program rehabilitation program they rescue horses and they rehabilitate them and while they rebuilt it anybody work with children and elderly people so that they can reconnect with animals and reconnect to their sense of spirit and connection kids that have been traumatized and elderly people that feel alone and that’s their passion started the foundation they’re doing that Mandy’s back in school Scott’s working his tail off and Mama’s been Rita’s been just extraordinary and that she’s allowed them to have their own life and she was at the seminar and she was pursuing let’s say her own endeavors personally with a particular gentleman I spotted in the audience so all’s well the Smith family and again if you wonder if this doesn’t stuff make a difference when people have a breakthrough not just one but a snappy and breakthroughs it starts to shift their beliefs about who they are how they live what they’re about what they’ll settle for what they’ll stand for and you see that long-term shift in here a year later you see this family and pretty amazing shape so you can click on and see a few moments message from them they sent me a message when they were at the event so you’ll see that if you’d like we have some clips here that I think you’ll find kind of interesting and fun and most importantly if you’d like to apply this to improve your life go to our workshop and if the spirit of this touches you if you know somebody want to be touched we don’t want this just to have an impact when it’s on television for one week we want it to continue to do so so in the digital space we continue to live here and hopefully touch and change lives you can click and have people watch on Hulu and then come here for the the class of the course at no charge we just really want to make sure that people go deep with this stuff this is a time in people’s lives when they need all the resources they can get and this is one of those places hopefully that can touch them so told you a lot in a short period of time that’s the story behind the story at least part of it and I I hope you’ll tune in next week it’s been a great time lift strong and live a passion
